SOME ADJUSTmeant

/ janpriddyoregon

Pre-pandemic, we followed a simple route from coast to the city at least twice a month. We left home early and returned before dark. We shopped at the Farmers Market, saw family, went to the music store, visited the nursery, and walked through Powell’s Book Store. We were always in a hurry because of weather and darkness and animals waiting at home. Our last dog and our last cat are gone now, but the other big difference is that now we have a place to stay.

This is one of my favorite skies—when a roll of cloud sits out on the horizon, but the sky overhead is clear. You can see the sky reflected in wave-washed sand.

We have a pattern of travel to and from our two homes with the big change that we do not have to drive over and back in a single day. The bigger change is what we do when we are there.

Looking east from the condo, we can see the massive dome of Beth Israel, just a block away. We recently discovered that we can also see Mount Hood from the kitchen and when leaves drop, there is also a clear view of everything from the living room. See Hood at right in dawn’s color—who knew? Gary’s favorite discovery is the massive group of crows—a hundred at least—who fly together past our windows. You can see just a few of them in the photo.

We walk a lot—usually two or three miles—, we read, we watch crows, and I cook meals with fresh food. The fridge at the condo is tiny, and that works well because we shop almost every day for the food I serve. There is no dishwasher other than Gary, but that is making me more conscious of how I cook. I am working on that.

Tomorrow morning we are having a small party for family. Most of what we serve we will buy in the morning. I have vegan and gluten- refined sugar- and nut-free crackers, and completely decadent shortbread. I will lay out hummus and guacamole, little oranges and apples, dates and nuts. I have a plan for the grandchildren to make simple ornaments with shells and yarn and thread.

Everyone is vaccinated. And that is important because we live in not-quite post-pandemic. The world changes, and we had all best find a way to adjust.

As my mother aged, she seemed to hope she could go directly from “youth” to dead without passing “old.” While we schemed to keep her from driving (she was a danger to herself and others), I vowed not to drive when I was eighty. Mom nagged me about eating a balanced diet and drinking enough water all my adult life. She did not do those things herself. Dehydration and/or constipation and an unwillingness to exercise led to ER visits and broken bones. One horrible week while I was teaching full time, in the middle of my MFA thesis, and with parent conferences till 8pm, Gary and I drove Mom to the ER three times in four days.

I vowed not to do that to my children. I hope to keep that vow.

The choices we have made about where we live and the way we eat and exercise are intended to address that promise to ourselves. We walk most days, usually three miles. I am running now, and a mile or two or even three are easy on the flat. I run up and walk down the flights to our fifth floor condo each day we are in Portland. I will not be able to do this forever. Our condo has an elevator, which will not be a convenience but a necessity in a few years.

I accept this.

We are undeniably old now at 69 and 72. We are medically “elderly”—that happens at 65. Yes, yes, you are “as young as you feel,” but no. Getting old, according to my psychiatrist friend (in her 80s now and barely retired) is like being “pecked to death by ducks.” It’s not an easy time, especially in a culture that no longer respects the aged. Age also has privileges, or should. Perhaps in our youth-centered culture it’s more accurate to say that a long life brings information and experience.

I remember things because I am older, have done more, and have been paying attention longer. Among the things I know are baking and cooking, political and social change, the flight patterns of seabirds and how to paint a floor. When I start listing all the things I have done in my life—which I tried doing recently—I forget to include everything, because at my age there is a lot of everything. There are also a lot of people.

A dear former student was home from grad school recently, and I missed seeing him. I plan to get another chance. Chances do run out, but I plan to be old for a long, long while yet.

I am not in denial about my age, I am only doing the best I can to live within it for as long as possible.

Hello, hello!

13 thoughts on “SOME ADJUSTmeant”

  1. ducks hardly peck at all, but geese are or is another matter
    not to mention the two dumpsters
    the crows Norman—the crows
    get me on flight number 505—Aftermath—thank you Mick and Keith
    two weeks to Christmas
    I don’t know what to wear
    Happy Christmas

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  2. Have you read Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old : a highly judgmental, unapologetically honest accounting of all the things our elders are doing wrong…

    I’m picking it up from the library early next week when I return another stack of books. You and I are the same age, so we will have to stay in touch to see how we do this “old” thing.

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    • I haven’t read it, but I’ve seen it around. We will have to compare notes and serve as one another’s cheering squad!

      Reviews suggest the author urges a “positive attitude, gratitude, patience, and compassion.” I am totally onboard with that, but mostly what has worried me has been driving too long, getting up on the roof… physically things I shouldn’t do, and the things I should do such as regular exercise.

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  3. Jan, it certainly sounds like you are living beautifully and fully – this is inspiring. I am just turned 64, but your listing all the things you can do and have done (because yes, there is a lot of everything) prompted me to create my own list – it is long! I’m glad that it is long!

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      • I enjoyed your post; I have missed too many, lately! The condo sounds excellent, quite enjoyable, and I am glad for oyu and your husband. I wrote a post on aging some t ime ago. I may well be older than you at 71–but I am feeling stroing and stay active. Never a dull moment if living with engagement and curiosity–and some good hope. I think those are key–as my parents modelled for me so well. (My mother lived til 92, my father only until 83 after a failed quadruple heart bypass surgery).

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      • I am sorry for your loss. Are you the oldest of your generation? We are the oldest now. My mother lived longest, to 82 despite not taking care of herself, but our fathers died of lung cancer (both began smoking during their service in WW2) and my mother-in-law died too soon of complications from hepatitis from a blood transfusion. She was overweight, had diabetes, and a bad heart. She was a dear woman so it feels wrong to say “bad heart.” But you get my meaning.

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      • My parents died long ago…but thank you. My granddaughter passed in April…and there have been 8 family deaths in the last 7 years.

        I’m the youngest of 5. Two siblings have passed, and my remaining sister has dementia from multiple concussons due to car crashes and other accidents…I have one last brother, 78, who is healthy and –even recently!–a world traveller/musician/ pro photographer as well as his equally healthy, active wife. Wonderful work they do.
        So, we shall see what the next few years bring for my family! I’ve so far well managed 20 years of heart disease and keep going. As we all do–we carry on!

        Thanks, Jan, for your posts.

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