I recently read an insightful article about what can be learned from regret. Before I started reading, I thought of past regrets and how they informed future actions: failing to respond to the cruelty on the bus, failing to confront racism, as a teacher teasing without malice but also without sensitivity. Each of those events taught me to be better next time. There have been next times to be better. Lucky.

There are the once-only times where I made a choice that stuck, the repeated events where I learned to make better choices, the examples that taught me how to move courageously and generously through my life, and the examples that showed me what not to do. In growing from those opportunities: lucky.

I could credit myself with avoiding the worst of the drug scene, the fraught romantic relationships, the dangling desires that might have lead me astray. I could say I turned away in time, credit myself for having better sense than others, boast of my foresight. The truth is mostly about luck.