I have a photographic negative showing my grandmother, Fay Fletcher Jackson (before she married Gordon Keays Smith), standing on a Mount Hood glacier that mostly isn’t there anymore. This would be in the early years of the 20th century. She carries a small backpack because she is a very small person and wears heavy boots, thick leggings (no skirt), and a broad grin. She set no records, made no history, but she climbed.
That thing we do… remembering
I was reading an article from The Guardian on how to deal with Christmas get-together challenges. The author led with “the turkey doesn’t fit in the oven.” [I love that turkey is the English Christmas dinner centerpiece, even though what they serve is a “New World” food, not actually indigenous to Europe. So are tomatoes, potatoes, what we call corn, and many squash and chilis. Often an “ancient” European, middle eastern, or Asian recipe includes an ingredient that simply was not available more than a hundred or a couple of hundred years ago—hardly ancient. When Shakespeare mentions “corn,” he does not mean the New World maize but another grain, probably barley.]
The article about the holiday dinner was funny and also spot on.
Continue readingThe sky was beautifully pink yesterday morning and after a mile of walking, I ran an unofficial 5k on sand without wetting my feet. I was out of breath but not breathless at the end of my run. I felt light-headed and bent over for a couple breaths. It is not the first time I have wondered if my blood pressure might have gone down closer to what it was when I began running in the 90s. Decades ago, when I told my mother my blood pressure was 90/60, she said, “That’s ridiculous. You would feel dizzy when you got out of bed. ” Well, yes I did. Often.
I assumed that a year was precisely 52 weeks, but had never done the math. That is odd for a lot of reasons, mostly because I was always good at arithmetic and algebra and geometry etc. I worked figures in my head back when I was running regularly in my 40s and 50s. Anyway, I created a calendar and realized that a year is more than 52 weeks. Add two days and a third during leap year.
The weather is changing. We have been grateful for rain, for cooling temperatures, and colorful leaves on our longer drives. Because nearly all my life has involved beginning school in the fall, this is the season for something new.
A year ago today, I decided to take charge of my daily habits, eat a better diet, lose weight, stop wasting food, and live a more physically active daily life. I was retired and so had time to devote to taking better care of myself, covid had forced me to shop less often and pay more attention to food in my fridge and on my pantry shelves, my Body Mass Index put me in the “overweight” category which was a risk factor for covid I could do something about (unlike my age), and I had begun winding down an intense creative production. I needed a new focus.
Three other events impressed me, one from personal experience and two from “authority” figures. When sitting and watching television, my fat pressed so hard into my belly that I sometimes experienced cramps and that seemed scary. An article suggested that humans need to fast for at least ten hours overnight to rest our digestion and that made a lot of sense to me. And Samantha Bee announced on her show (which I love) that “diets don’t work!” Well, of course they do, I thought. Nothing motivates me like a good argument. I had lost weight without trying during cross country season when I was often too tired to eat when I got home from a long day and when grief stopped me eating after my mother died.
And then I thought more about what both Bee was saying and my own experience of deliberately and successfully dieting after childbirth. The trouble with dieting is that what most people regard as “a diet” is something to do to lose (or gain) weight and then they return to the poor habits they had before. Surprise! They end up back where they started.
I needed a permanent change.
I would weigh myself every day, I would expect my weight to fluctuate, but I would track the same day of the week as the one that “counted.” I would meticulously count and cut calories, but allow for higher calorie days since that is actually helpful to maintaining a normal metabolism. Since I began on a Friday, the date that mattered would be the last day of seven, Thursdays. Over the past year my weight was stable 3 weeks, I gained weight by the end of 11 weeks, and for the other 38 weeks, I lost. Sometimes I lost a couple ounces, sometimes a pound.
I set up a chart on my computer to track what I ate each day. This was not merely a diet, but my intention to radically reform my eating habits: more vegetables and fruits, regular mealtimes, only occasional no- or low-calorie snacks. I set up a sample weekly menu (that I referred to less and less, whenever I was stuck about what to make for meals) and typical lo-cal meals, goal weight, and overall aspirations, appointments, and accomplishments—first to be “Normal Weight” according to my Body Mass Index, then to achieve my prior ideal weight during cross country season. I was in it for the long haul, and assumed it would take me at least a year to get where I wanted to be.
The chart grew more complicated as I went along. I added tracking for minutes and then miles I walked and where I went. Later I added miles run. I tracked my vitamin D and calcium. I tracked the days I went to the post office for my mail (once or twice a week) and grocery shopping (every three weeks). I measured myself so that I would know when I had a waist under 31″ because that’s supposed to be healthier for me. I regained a sense of limited control over my body and health.
A week ago I ran (most of) a 5k. I had not actually ever expected to run again, but when I hit my old cross country weight I began running short distances in June, hoping to achieve a mile, and gradually built to a couple of miles. The nearest Park Run 5k had rolling hills, but I only walked about a half mile of the 3.1 miles. My time was five or six minutes slower than what I could manage twenty years ago. That’s probably good news, but I have begun training on hills—short distances. So far, so good. My long range goal is to run an entire 5k after my 70th birthday in October of next year. Slow is okay.
Right at the end of my 5k in Hillsboro last weekend. Yeah, I was tired!
I might lose another 4 pounds or settle on the weight I am now. I know how to eat better while including treats, including ice cream (rarely and a half-cup at a time instead of an entire pint) and pie and cake and popcorn with butter (again, not so often and not as much as I used to eat). I eat what I know is enough instead of until I feel full—since it takes a long time for the brain to catch up and signal “full” and eating lunch at school for nearly all my life taught me to eat too fast. I do not feel discouraged if my weight abruptly pops up a pound or two—salted popcorn will do that, but it’s temporary. Feeling hungry might actually mean I am only thirsty or bored—I can live with that for a few hours before bedtime. I get to eat sourdough waffles (or toast with peanut butter or homemade granola) for breakfast. And I am breaking my fast each morning, because while I might eat 11 almonds as a snack before my morning walk, I do not breakfast until after I get home, lunch (my biggest meal) is around noon, and dinner (usually salad or roasted veg) is around five. If I snack beyond that, it’s tea or iced coffee with milk, 1% fat.
The upshot? The trauma in our country and the world is completely beyond my comprehension or control, but I can behave mindfully in my own actions and choices. I feel physically better and I have regained healthy habits at a time in my life and because of covid where I felt the need to exercise such control. I am not in denial about my age, but am delighted at how much I can manage. (I nap.)
This morning I ran two miles on highway hills, more up than down since I ran up to the highway, to the top of the headland north, and then rolling hills past my marker, and back to walk down through the steep Hug Point parking lot. I found a machete in the ditch alongside the highway and carried it carefully all the way home. It needs cleaning and sharpening, but I am the person to do that.
Without meaning to brag (yet I know I’m bragging), the past year has proven a lot to me. I am proud of myself; I am both hopeful and grateful. I want to prove Samantha Bee wrong by maintaining this progress, by finding a healthy maintenance and maintaining as long as I can.
It’s been a wild, hot, and anxious month. On this last day of June, we walked north to the headland and then south to the creek. As we approached our southern goal, Gary pointed ahead. “There’s Tammy,” he said. “She’s waving.” He waved back.
“Where?” I said.
It turned out to be a whirligig he was waving at, and we both laughed. “Don’t tell Tammy,” Gary said. But you know I can’t keep a secret.
Gary was after me to post today. It’s π day, we missed our walk, but entertained ourselves watching the tarp peel off the remodel next door.
“Of course, resilience matters. But given the dearth of practical support, ‘we need to understand that emotional resilience might not be enough,’ said Brian Hughes, a professor at the National University of Ireland, Galway, who specializes in the psychology of stress and crisis.”—from the In Her Words series of The New York Times, 18 February 2021 by Corinne Purtill
Purtill and Hughes are not talking about writing at all, but genuine hardship. Pandemic, hunger, unpaid bills. All I have to complain of just now is disappointment. A story rejection arrived via email the other day. I’d had hopes for the particular story and for publication in this particular journal, but no. I should be used to this by now. I tried taking it as a matter of course, but I really wanted to crawl under the bed and suck dust bunnies.
But Gary had vacuumed up the dust bunnies.
Continue readingWe’ve been talking about moving. To be candid, we’ve talked about moving on and off ever since we moved to my family’s home on the Oregon coast in 1979. We missed family and friends. Now it’s the non-stop stream of tourists in a residential neighborhood that used to house people who actually lived here. The truth is, however, that we like the climate, the weather, and our permanent neighbors. We raised our children here, wetsuits dripping over the tub. They moved off but we stayed. We love our daily walks on the shore, even when our fingers and toes go numb in winter. We are accustomed to the continual roar of ocean and water shifting stone. We are used to silence.
We are used to seeing sky, to watching the storms roll in, the sea go high, the gulls and black oystercatchers and broken shells in the rocks. We enjoy finding the shoreline changed every day. This past year has not been easy for most people. The weather alone has been, as they say, interesting.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, and setting aside art purchases, our most expensive budgetary item for the past year has been food. This has been the case throughout most of human history. Food first, but the animals and manner of raising crops changed dramatically. We have eaten organic for years just like my grandparents would have. We prefer fresh or frozen food, strong flavors, and I am a good cook willing to try things.
I began baking bread as a child with my mother. I baked bread in college even as a full time student and working 18-30 hours a week. My studio classes did not meet on Fridays and I usually had that day off. I have always baked bread on occasion, but in the past year I bake weekly, usually sourdough, half whole wheat flour, and no sugar in my bread at all. It takes most of the day to bake sourdough, though less than an hour of actual work. The house smells of healthy yeast and the loaves that come out of the oven are tastier than anything I could buy. It is even convenient to bake it.
Americans eat badly because we have failed to start at the beginning by teaching children to cook.
Many women of my generation were resistant to learning to cook because they were understandably resistant to a sexist notion of a housewife’s destiny. They saw cooking and cleaning as Erma Bombeck did, as a trap for women. My own mother loved Bombeck’s humor (If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? etc.), but she knew how to do all those chores of canning and cooking and baking bread. She didn’t like doing any of them.
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The blanket will only be 45″ by 85″ unless I put on a second warp and weave another (third) length. I could do that. I still have some handspun. As I work on the second length of this warp, I think more and more that I want that third length. It is a goal, and I need goals just now.
There are the needs of my husband, children, grandchildren, friends, students—the people who matter most—and then the things I do—reading, writing, playing with color and making meals. I read the newspaper every morning online—several newspapers. I look at real estate I cannot afford, I draw houses, something I have done since I was a little girl. I have worked for contractors and architects and directly for clients, and I have seen my plans built, but it won’t happen again. Next door someone is shoving mud around in the rain. It is a messy job. And my brain feels a little like that sometimes.
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