FREE ADMISSION

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When we were children the zoo in Seattle was free. There were no tickets, no guarded gates. You could walk in the main gate or by the elephant exhibit or from Lower Woodland or over by the rose garden on the south side. The Seattle Art Museum (then at Volunteer Park on Capital Hill) was free. I have photos of my brother and me on the backs of stone camels. The Seattle Aquarium was privately owned, but for a time my family had free passes because my dad worked for the Bureau of Commercial Fisheries and he knew the owner.

Writer Sandra Cisneros spoke about visiting the museum on the free day in Chicago as a girl. Access to such cultural sites without paying admission was a critical aspect of her childhood. Mine too. These places were beautiful and free.

It was what her family and mine could afford.

The Asian exhibit on Capital Hill is still perfectly clear in my mind’s eyes though I have not been there in over forty years. The elephant walking across clouds carved into pale jade. That spectacular collection has been undergoing renovation and will reopen next year. It will not be cheap to visit. Nearby is the brick tower I climbed in my teens and a conservatory where I recall the overarching tropical foliage, volcanic rock just inside the door to the right of the entrance, the cactus and rows of potted flowers. That glass house costs money to enter, a relatively modest $8 for the two of us if we went today because we are seniors. By contrast, The Burke Museum on the University of Washington campus, a place we used to wander in and out of without a thought, would cost us $40. The Museum of History and Industry, which was a favorite haunt in my childhood would cost about $36. The Pacific Science Center would cost us $48 for entrance but another $70 if we wanted to see everything. There are free days, usually once a month, for many exhibits, though not that one.

If we drove to Seattle (which Gary absolutely resists doing), the museums (some of them free one day a month) and conservatory (except on the first and third Saturday) will cost admission. The zoo has been on lockdown since Gary worked there in the 1970s. It was free when he started as a volunteer in the aviary, but admission was added while he worked in the commissary. This was particularly controversial at the time since admission fees did not go to maintain the zoo but into the general funds for the City. It costs $42 for a pair of seniors to visit today. Cheaper than the Pacific Science Center, more than the Burke. I don’t know where the funds go for all these attractions. I use Seattle as my example only because we once knew the city so well.

IMG_3624.jpgMore recently, when passes were on sale, we bought a family pass to the Portland Japanese Garden. We took our oldest granddaughter to these gardens several times when she was little, and she loved the “big fish” though she says she doesn’t remember anymore.

IMG_2021The gardens are crowded when we drive by, as we sometimes do on our way into town. For $110, we can purchase a senior family ticket to the Japanese Garden, and after concentrating on our house for the past couple of years, perhaps we will. Though it seems expensive, we can afford admission. Many families cannot.

I understand that people object to taxes and to paying for venues they never visit . . . and I think about the billions allocated for sports arenas, which are all about profits and competition and ritualized violence. And I think about the gilded screen with dozens of crows I saw as a child in Seattle, the science experiments, the wave machine, the Tiffany window—all those shared human cultural experiences I enjoyed as a child.

Public parks and museums should be free to the public, not restricted to those who can afford to pay. I wish everyone, every child, could experience what I did through public access. Very few can.

 

GARY’S PARTY

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We almost always walk north. We went out before 7am for our walk this morning, before a quick breakfast and heading for home. But later in the morning two of our grandchildren and a friend’s son played in the tide pools, looking at hermit crabs. (Thank you, RO, for sending this.) Our three grandchildren enjoyed the party. The youngest stomped her feet and grinned. Such fun!

It was Gary’s 70th birthday Sunday, yesterday (it was also Lily Tomlin’s 80th and John at the Post Office had one and Barry Gibb became 72 and the guy at the market in Lincoln City turned 29). We drove down the coast in the morning, stopped at a farmers’ market, took our time. We didn’t have all that far to go.

We have been to the Sylvia Beach Hotel a half dozen times, staying in different rooms and enjoying the peace. We bring books or read what is lying about in this literary inn. I bring knitting. We walk on the beach and sit watching the ocean from the topfloor “Library.” Gary gets into the guests’ kitchenette before dawn and makes a pot of extra strong coffee. Not quite routine, relaxing.

We had made our reservation for the Emily Dickinson room and planned to have a meal across the street. No internet, no television, the Sylvia Beach is a peaceful Victorian on a bluff overlooking the ocean. Across the street is a great restaurant. Gary is particularly fond of the chef’s wife and had a photo of the car her dad drove in Australia. That was the surprise he planned. He had no idea people were coming until we came out of his favorite hotel to go toward his very favorite restaurant Ove Northwest. There was a friend in the doorway across the street. What is Rick doing in Newport?

We celebrated with our sons and their families and some friends. It is amazing that I managed to keep the secret for six months.

Gary’d never had a surprise party. He was stunned. He kept saying, IMG_4879How did you do this? In fact, I’m not sure Gary had ever had a proper birthday party before this one. He never had a proper party as a child. He claims I threw him a party forty years or so ago when we were in college, but I don’t remember.

Gary is a self-effacing person, patient and kind under most all circumstances. He doesn’t ask for much or complain often. He loves cards and phone calls on his day. He smiles all the time but almost never for the camera. He was mugging for me this morning on our walk.

We’ll call this his first party. The very best. He could barely function when he began to understand what was happening. He just sat and looked stunned for at least an hour and Margaret kept his beer glass full. He was so surprised.

He says: Thank you. I love you.

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[Gary has read this now and complains that I have failed to detail my craftiness. Okay, I was pretty crafty. I am so very grateful for the people who were able to attend or who called or sent cards. He deserved this.]

WASTED

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Yesterday on our predawn walk north, Gary stood on a rock that usually rises above my head from the sand. This summer it is nearly covered. This is the deepest sand we have had in twenty years. In January of 1999, a storm-driven high tide dug the basalt from under the sand into a high ridge and took out far more sand than usual. It’s taken all this time to see it return.

Wasted. Not drunk or high, I’m talking about money.

Our biggest waste was “The Maples,” a piece of land just over two acres that my husband and I purchased in the early 80s when our firstborn was a baby. I have photos someplace of me holding him in my arms. Above us are the enormous bigleaf maples that inspired our name for the property. It was on the other side of the coast range, up the Nehalem Valley on a road called Anderson, and a stream ran along the north side. No houses I designed had yet been built, but I had great hopes for that property, purchased on contract from a widow.

And then the sale of our Seattle house fell through. What year was that? We’d accepted a very long escrow in return for a very large earnest deposit of $5000. That was in the fall. It was the following spring, early June, a week before the sale was supposed to close that the buyers told us they’d changed their mind. “No hurry” returning the earnest money.

And the money was spent on The Maples. We didn’t have it. We could not pay back the deposit, which was paid to guarantee that the buyers would not do what they did. Change their minds. I was pregnant with our second son, and we had counted on the sale closing in order to pay off the land because we really could not afford the house payments as well as the land payments.

And suddenly we were in trouble financially with contract payments on the acreage and mortgage payments on the Seattle house. Remodeling on the house I had inherited from my grandfather’s third wife. Renters had been turned out of the Seattle house, as the buyers requested, and there was some damage from the buyers opening walls and from the house lying empty for all those months. We had lost the rent and now had repairs to make before the house could be sold. Less than month before our second child was born, I was not in a position to drive back to Seattle and do the work myself. My Visa bill already did not bear thinking about. We had hard decisions to make.

We gave the land to the people who had bought the property next door, just gave it away. They would take over our payments and Tootie Anderson, from whom we purchased it, would not miss payments she relied upon, and we would be out from under one of those monthly payments we could not afford.

The Maples were gone.

Gary has a hunk of quartz crystals found at the base of one of those spectacular trees. Gary calls it our “thirteen thousand dollar rock.” That was what we lost in down payment and monthly payments on the property we gave away.

There have been other wastes. When I opened this page, I’d intended to talk about my husband’s dismay when he found that a coat he purchased a few years ago, an expensive cold-weather coat, was on sale for a quarter of what he’d paid. There are plenty of examples of wastefulness, wasted spending. Bad meals in restaurants. A pair of shoes I could not return after they gave me blisters. Fabric. A braided rug. Gary has bought CDs he realized he already had, or once had and did not like. Three incomplete sweaters that I will never finish. I have bought yarn I never used.

In our downsizing process, I let go of many projects I no longer wanted to work on. I sold a few hundred dollars worth of yarn for $90 and gave away my enameling kiln to a former student. I never heard from her afterward. Perhaps she didn’t like the yarn. I unearthed additional tools related to the kiln that I would like to give her. Perhaps the kiln did not work. Perhaps this is her own story of waste. sigh

But most of our “wasted time” was not wasted at all. It was lived. Dozens of stories and several novels consumed half a lifetime and that was not wasted time even though they are unpublished. But money. Money is not something we are supposed to talk about. For almost the whole of my life I worried about money, a habit encouraged by my mother who actually prided herself on being a “worrier.” It is a waste of time, I think.

A friend referred to travel by train as a waste of time. But on the one train trip I took as a girl, watching the countryside pass by was not a waste. Biking across a landscape is not a waste of time, running the Hood to Coast was not a waste of my time. Walking the beach this morning—we plan to walk south around the Cape—is time spent, not wasted. Time lived.

There is rain today, cooler temperatures began yesterday and I slept right through the lightening and thunder last night. Slept a good eight hours. Not a waste. Life.

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This is also from our four-mile walk, looking south. Last year we could not walk between the Seal Rock and the headland—the gap above that is filled with sand. Last year it never filled in even by August and there were pools of water and barnacled rocks. This year that is all under feet of sand.

 

REVISION

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I have a story under consideration just now at two literary journals. One of them has had it for well over a year. The other began considering it today. It is an important story to me for a variety of reasons and has received a good deal of praise from editors who “nearly” chose to publish it. Those personal rejections came from the more prominent journals. (It is some sort of irony that the journals who publish a larger percentage of submissions reject it quickly compared to the journals that accept only a fraction of one percent of submissions.)

The story matters to me, and that is why I keep sending it out. It is the reason I have restructured the story, changed the point of view, expanded it to over six thousand words and carved it back to barely three thousand. I have revised the story at least every six months for the past fourteen years. That is, I have dozens of drafts, some of them quite dramatically different..

I know when I wrote it because in 2005 I was admitted to an MFA program and this was the story I submitted with my application. It was the story that earned me a place in the program and that gave me my first response in an MFA workshop. I had experienced cruel feedback many times by then in various workshops and classes. I expected it. When the instructor objected to the twist at the end, I rewrote the story to reveal information early. The next editor found I’d tipped my hand too early. I moved things around again.

You get the idea.

A lot of life seems like that. You try to be polite and are accused of failing to address an issue head on. You’re more direct and someone’s feelings are hurt. Can’t you be more subtle? A little too small, too large, too fat, too thin, not beautiful enough, too clever by half. On and on. I get things wrong.

And then there are the people who stand by you and love you no matter what. You make mistakes and speak without thinking, you forget something that is important, or you insist on something that isn’t actually important at all. Or, at least I have done those things. What can I say?

My story is imperfect. My story is imperfect.

Back to work, honing my imperfect self, my imperfect story, the story of my life.

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‘Are we there yet?’

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We found this about a mile and a half north. It had survived a couple of high tides, but not the one last night. It was gone this morning.

It’s one of those phrases. “Poor kitties” is another. I should probably list more, but two will do. Today is our anniversary. Forty-fifth, unless you count our time together as a couple, which pushes it to fifty. We have a lot of lines and inside jokes that no one gets but the two of us. We were laughing about that this morning as we walked. We were out for about an hour.

Nothing last forever, certainly nothing human. But we have lasted a very long time as a couple. Fifty years is a long time in people-years. Three or more lifetimes for a dog or cat. Thirty-seven thousand high tides.

Numbers.

Human beings are devoted to numbers. it is our fundamental technology, like nest-building for some birds. Spiderwebs. I recall being told that a mother cat licks each kitten by way of counting them. Perhaps. Certainly a mother cat keeps track of her kits. But cats care nothing for mathematics.

My English students complained about doing math in my class. I thought they should understand how many words they read in a minute, what a score of 67/90 points worked out to as a grade (74%, a C). They thought they should not have to deal with such calculation unless they were at the other end of the school in a math class. Once, when I passed back an exam worth 50 points, an Honors English student started to haul out his calculator. He was taking Trigonometry that term and needed a tool to calculate his grade? I about had a fit. Double your score and that’s your percentage! How do you not know that?

I was never one of those girls who are “not good at math.” I loved math in school. I still do. I use it all the time, numbers running through my head as I bake or sew, the way they used to run through my head as a runner. (When I could not compute minutes/mile on a run I knew I needed a walking break. Thirty seconds. Maybe forty seconds of walking. I would return to a run and recompute how much time I would spend on the distance.)

Hood-to-Coast is this weekend, that Mt Hood to Seaside relay. I ran it five times, 1996-2000, first out of the second van, about 16 miles total. My pace on a very good day running the beach or even highway hills in those days was 8.5 minute miles, but usually I ran a steady nine minute mile. I never got close to that on the Hood to Coast. In 1996, the temperature on my first 6.2 mile leg was 96°F, already rated “very hard” for hills and distance. I had never run in heat before, but I maintained a steady pace. The night run was another sort of revelation. I had never run in the dark before, and it was lovely. I calculated my speed throughout my three runs. Another runner commented that my first mile and my sixth were almost exactly the same speed. Oh yes.

My last long run was from home to school on the first day of in-service in 2011. I underestimated the distance by a half mile and I forgot to wear my new shoes. By the time I was into my sixteenth mile I ran slow and would have taken a ride if Gary had not lost me along the way. My shoes were flat and I damaged my feet that morning. My minutes/mile do not bear thinking about. I would never run further than four miles again.

Numbers.

Fifty years married. During that time, my husband and I have traveled together and apart, completed five college degrees, worked in a dozen retail businesses and for five public agencies, saw through life ten dogs and five cats and a conure and a parrot, raised two sons, lived in three homes, bought seven vehicles, but I will not count the times we each lost our tempers and did incredibly stupid, bonehead things for which we have been forgiven. The love does not take to counting.

This morning we took our walk. We walked north and then south to home again, about three miles. Sometimes we walked side by side and sometimes fifty yards apart. I picked up seven shells, he gathered seven bits of beach trash. We’ve missed our walk only a couple of times this summer. A few times we walked twice. Sometimes we walked a couple of miles, and on an ambitious day we walked five. I will be 67 in a couple of months, he will be 70 in eight days.

Those numbers do not matter at all, of course. That’s just our technology—a foolish way of measuring progress.

It’s about glancing up shore to see where Gary is walking. It’s about knowing he is there. It’s about the walk. Not about how far or when we arrive. We arrived a long time ago.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

PANTS IN THE FAMILY

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In their official First Lady portraits “20th-century predecessors show a parade of cream-colored gowns, strings of pearls and periwinkle skirts. Clinton rocked a pantsuit in midnight black.”

As first lady, she chaired the Task Force on National Health Care Reform, pushing a proposed healthcare system some in the media dubbed “Hillarycare.” That failed, but she found more success with 1997’s State Children’s Health Insurance Program, and then the Adoption and Safe Families Act, and the Foster Care Independence Act.

She worked with the National Institutes of Health to ensure more funding for asthma and prostate cancer. She did not, in short, stay home and bake cookies. Evidence of her own career is visible within the official portrait itself: Her book, “It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us,” lies on the table beside her.

I remember having scabbed knees almost continuously as a schoolgirl. I was not allowed to wear pants to school, and my dresses were usually torn open under their short sleeves. I played horses and ran around during recess. My mother liked to say I was hard on my clothes  I liked designing clothes for dolls but not actually playing with them.

It was my mother’s idea to get me a Barbie. I thought the doll’s tiny feet made to wear high heels, blue eye shadow, and bright red lips were stupid. Her hairstyle too. 

In the mean time, I had my Aunt Marcia, who lived in the Bay Area—Berkeley and later San Francisco. She was married to my Uncle Harry, but then lived alone. She was the model I wanted when I was a girl. Not Barbie, but an independent individual. Aunt Marcia made the single life an option, something possible and even elegant. She had affairs and a dog and she taught college Sociology. She empowered my daydreams of a single life as a person in my own right.

Hillary Rodham Clinton would have been a good model. Though I’m sorry for her philandering husband, I might like her better for forgiving her husband and supporting him than my aunt who was the one philandering. She was pilloried for saying: “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession.” She was a lawyer and she took her turn supporting her family. I did that too, taking turns with my husband as the primary breadwinner. I admire what HRC accomplished, both what she did and what she tried to do.

Who wears the pants in the family? Everyone. There are plenty of women  who still believe that men should rule their households. My parents did not subscribe to that division of power. My husband and I do not either.

A family should not be ruled. A family should work together toward shared goals. It should be loving and caring and productive, not a dictatorship.

LESS HARM THAN GOOD

Susanna and the Elders, 1610, the first known work by Artemisia Gentileschi – Web Gallery of Art:   Public Domain

It might seem a modest ambition: to make less harm than good. Some will find it wholly inadequate. How can accomplishment come from merely doing less harm than good? I wonder myself sometimes. Progress is inadequately counted by dollars. Accomplishment is so often measured in influence, in having our way, in strength over others. Humility is not much appreciated these days. Assertiveness is attractive, and I have been assertive in my day, goodness knows. Goodness used to be measured in other ways, yet some days I aspire to modesty of effect. The desire to leave light prints upon the earth, to dance away without selfish pride, rest without sloth, find joy without avarice, change without harm, accomplishment without making losers of others. Not quite the deadly sins or heavenly virtues, but closer there. Closer to virtue.


This month is Camp NaNo and my commitment is to the modest goal of writing 31 hours in 31 days. Of three possible possible projects—summarize the novel, complete the post-apocalyptic story, write the textbook on teaching writing—the textbook seems to be my focus.

There is a story that George Eliot wrote Silas Marner while avoiding work on the much longer novel Romola. Romola was hailed in her day as a masterpiece, though few read it today. It is based, I believe, on the life of the painter Artemesia Gentileschi. I have read three books about her. I have read Silas Marner three times. I have not yet managed to complete Romola. Wikipedia claims the novel “was based on the life of the Italian priest Girolamo Savonarola.” Perhaps.

According to Wikipedia: “Contemporary and modern critics have questioned the likelihood of the level of scholarship attributed to women such as Romola in Renaissance Italy,” but Gentileschi became an accomplished and celebrated painter at a time when women were not allowed to paint, in the seventeenth century.  She was “an Italian Baroque painter, today considered one of the most accomplished painters in the generation following that of Caravaggio. In an era when female painters were not easily accepted by the artistic community or patrons, she was the first woman to become a member of the Accademia di Arte del Disegno in Florence and had international clientele.” Though I personally admire her life more than any paintings from that period, I am always surprised and annoyed to read the painter discussed as if her life and not her painting mattered most.

Eliot lived in Italy, would have seen Gentileschi’s work, perhaps have heard the dramatic story of her rape and revenge through painting religious subjects, placing her violator’s head under Judith’s dagger. She asserted herself in a period when women were expected to remain in the background. She was educated. She was strong.

The connection between Eliot’s fictional character and this historical woman seems to me irrefutable, though I have not completed the research to know if I am correct, to argue my thesis as I should. There was a time when I considered pursuing a PhD. This would certainly have been my thesis topic.

In another life, I might have done that.  Does anyone in their late 60s pursue a degree in order to prove a point? Pause. Remind myself of humility. [And, as I now understand from reading Romola, I would be incorrect.]

MOM at the BEACH

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My mother was named “Fay” for her mother’s first name and “Gordon” for her father. Born in 1925, she died in 2007. She and her sister spent all the summers of their childhood at the beach house, which my grandfather rebuilt and retired to in the 40s. Mom said she and her sister cried when electricity reached the beach house. 

In later years, my mother Fay Gordon would not recall carrying water for the cabin as a child, though surely she must have done this. The beach house had no utilities at all. Her mother, my grandmother Fay, cooked on a wood stove and heated water for weekly baths. The outhouse hung over the swampy next-door lot, and light for reading after the sun went down came from oil lamps. A marvelous, imperfect vacation all summer long. Paradise for children. 

Fay Gordon and her sister cleaned sooty glass oil lamp chimneys on Tuesdays. That was the only chore she spoke of. Perhaps the chore was lightened because the girls did it together as they did so many things together in the summers on the Pacific shore. They dug clams and used a long-handled rake to gather crabs for supper, but never ate the mussels. She had never eaten the wild salal berries either, fearing they were poisonous. Never gathered salmon berries or thimbleberries. Their choices were simple ones. Children pretended the sand was poison, arms held out, balancing barefoot on drift logs. The daily milk wagon, long walks to Neahkahnie Mountain for picnics and to pick huckleberries or a ride north for roller skating in Cannon Beach. She and her sister played all day, sometimes in company of cousins, and their mother cleaned and cooked. 

Her mother never complained about being stuck miles beyond the nearest road for three months each year. Cousins filled the upstairs dorm for weeks at a time. She sighed over her in-laws’ reimbursement for toilet paper, but dutifully collected the supplies they would need between Memorial Day and Labor Day. All carted from Portland to the beach house in June. She and the children first arrived by car or on the train as far as Seaside and then the long ride along the shore at low tide, the tight squeeze around Hug Point, the house opened from a long off-season. Mice had nested in the attic. Fay Gordon remembered painting the trim each year, or that it was painted each year a color she called “Chinese red,” bright red-orange. Surely she was not trusted at four years of age or seven or even twelve years with a bristle brush and oil-based enamel paint.


My grandmother baked and canned, cleaned, and did laundry in tubs by hand, even in the city. No servant like in the movies, just Fay, barely five feet tall, who was compelled at sixteen to decline the Reed College scholarship in order to help support her family. She had always worked hard. Once learning Latin and poetry and piano, then in a shipping office, and finally women’s work as a wife. 

It was only much later in her life that it occurred to Fay Gordon how these summers might have been difficult for my grandmother. Perhaps my mother’s idyllic barely-supervised summers were not easy for her own mother. Salt-stained clothing and baths and cooking and dishes for just herself and her daughters and often for another three or seven children, without running water or electricity.

“My poor mother,” my mother would say when she was old herself. “What a lot of work.”

But I wonder. Children off playing outdoors was likely a relief. Fay Gordon and her sister were stuck on a seastack when they failed to notice the rising water and had to wait out the tide. They came to no harm. Their dog chased up and down the beach until it caught the seagull and promptly let it go. No poisonous snakes or insects. No broken bones. No recollections of illness. Sand castles. Beach fires. The ocean’s roar. Freedom for their mother too?

My grandmother had summer to herself as well. Despite the labor, perhaps she spent hours each day beach combing, lying back on the sand under a canvas shade, reading. 

I like to think of my grandmother Fay enjoying her summer free of social duties and husbandly demands. My grandfather was known to be demanding. My grandmother was known to be kind. I like to think of her kneading her four loaves of Thursday bread as later would my mother when I was small, baking a pie with wild huckleberries, soaking clothing and hanging it to dry. Maybe even the work was pleasant when there was no one to insist it be perfect. Maybe the work was simple, satisfying, and like the weather, sweet. Lovely summers.

Even so, someone carried water from the creek. 

FINISH

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Gary vacuuming the floor for the second or third time before the fourth coat of varnish.

The plan was to put down a cheap floor and then after our sons graduated from college we would spring for hardwood.

A contractor suggested particleboard, sealed and oiled. The look was not what I was after. I chose A-face half-inch fir plywood. The A face is solid, with knots filled. It is not expensive—as best I can recall the four by eight sheets cost about $24 each in 1985. Fifty cents a square foot was about our speed.

A professional painter (the brother of an old friend) detailed a plan for finishing the floors. I wanted mostly wood showing but with a simple painted pattern. He suggested specific products and I followed his advice. I did a bedroom first with green zigzags, then the kitchen and dining room with an oversize black check, and finally the living room has dark purple zigzags. For each floor, I sealed the wood and then drew the pattern with a pencil and my grandfather’s steel rules. I painted the pattern with eggshell oil-based paint—on hands and knees—no painter’s tape but a steady hand. The varnish should have gone straight on after the paint cured, but the varnish was the most expensive step and I wanted some wear on the floor. Leaving the painted floors unvarnished allowed the softer parts of the grain to wear away with foot traffic. The grain becomes three dimensional. This is trendy today, but it was pretty much a unique look in the 80s.

Eventually I sealed the floors with the nasty clear varnish, three coats—two in the late 80s and a third in the 90s. The finish is hard but flexible enough for floors “with light use,” though my floors have always seen hard use, the tracks of children and dogs, sandy feet.

Yesterday I brushed on coat number four. Yeah, on my hands and knees with a four inch brush. It took an hour and my knees might be bruised.

Gary took me out for ice creams.

The stink was terrible in the house, but moving the furniture, books and CDs out of the space was probably the worst part of the process. Everything is crowded into spaces that were a bit crowded to begin with. The sofa is upended in front of the linen closet.

Before I could apply varnish, Gary vacuumed and scrubbed the floors once, I went over them, and then Gary went over them twice more. They show their age. Fir is a softwood and this floor has over thirty years of dents and dings and stains. We still prefer it to any replacement. In a week or two, we’ll put most everything back and clear the dining room and kitchen in order to put the last coat on those floors. Most people will not even notice a difference.

In the mean time, we’re sleeping in our younger son’s old room, two doors past the toxic varnish. We will avoid cooking—I will avoid cooking too much. We’d like to tear out the tile shower but scrubbing and scrubbing will have to do. For most of our marriage, we have made do with what was handy or free or could be done with least expense. And even now. But the ceilings and walls and floors all needed a definitive finish. Finishing. It’s an overwhelming task.

This is meant to be the last time. Once we complete the work we plan for this summer, I expect the walls and floors will do for the remainder of our lives—twenty years or so. If the tsunami doesn’t take this house first, our heirs will sell it or put down something else for people to walk upon.

TODAY

The fathers in my life have all been good men. I am grateful, too for the father-in-law who was so kind to me. Not everyone is so fortunate. These men did not ever, so far as I know (and I have always paid attention), abused people, picked fights, or assumed they were entitled simply because they were who they were. They were and are all the other things, the things anyone might hope for in a father: loving, patient, and present parents.

I have decided to cut back on gift-giving, at least a little because I overdo, and to do something otherwise for holidays and birthdays. So today, happy Fathers Day! And may the days that follow be fine and sweet!

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My favorite photo of my dad right after the war. (WW2)

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Gary had pigeons as a boy in Arizona. Here he is on our 40th anniversary on the coast! Today.

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Our firstborn in his daughter’s room. She has two dogs.

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Our son who says he has now “arrived at the fish pun landmark in life.” 

My favorite father poem. A poem I have shared many times. They often struggled to consider discipline a good thing, to recognize that the child’s screams are hysterical, not literal.

The Gift

 

To pull the metal splinter from my palm

my father recited a story in a low voice.
I watched his lovely face and not the blade.
Before the story ended, he’d removed
the iron sliver I thought I’d die from.

 

I can’t remember the tale,

but hear his voice still, a well
of dark water, a prayer.
And I recall his hands,
two measures of tenderness
he laid against my face,
the flames of discipline
he raised above my head.

 

Had you entered that afternoon

you would have thought you saw a man
planting something in a boy’s palm,
a silver tear, a tiny flame.
Had you followed that boy
you would have arrived here,
where I bend over my wife’s right hand.

 

Look how I shave her thumbnail down

so carefully she feels no pain.
Watch as I lift the splinter out.
I was seven when my father
took my hand like this,
and I did not hold that shard
between my fingers and think,
Metal that will bury me,
christen it Little Assassin,
Ore Going Deep for My Heart.
And I did not lift up my wound and cry,
Death visited here!
I did what a child does
when he’s given something to keep.
I kissed my father.

 

 

*And while I have your attention: Please don’t smoke. Both my father and father-in-law were killed by smoking, a habit they developed while serving their country during wartime. We know smoking is deadly. We know almost no one begins smoking after their childhood—I think of that every time I see a young person smoking. We all do stupid things when we are young, and cigarettes are designed to be habitual. And they kill. These smoking children cannot conceive of it now of course, but it’s likely that some day someone or several someones who love them will cry over their hospital bed. I know.

My favorite father poem. A poem I have shared many times. They often struggled to consider discipline a good thing, to recognize that the child’s screams are hysterical, not literal.