THE DUTY OF CARE

/ janpriddyoregon

And now. The election. I do care. I do believe I have a duty of care not only toward myself but toward others. I want to make clear that the only people I blame are the Americans who believe that in order to win, “Other people” must lose…

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I took off all my rings and refused to leave my bed. I worked on revising for NaNo with a kind of despair; read Virginia’s Apple, found delight; waited for Gary while he did errands alone because I had been too depressed to leave my bed; and read a friend’s blog that reminded me I needed to do something,.

Our nation was founded on radical democratic principles but also to serve the interests and ambitions of a small group of powerful and wealthy White men. 

That’s not changed.

The sun is shining, there was plenty of beach, I was supposed to run this morning, and I am still in bed at 8:30 because I want to stay here pretty much forever. I have worried about money in order not to think about everything that’s at stake—the predicted new head of the Health Department is a vaccine denier with a worm-eaten brain, the health system and civil servants will be abandoned, our ties to fascist and other cruel governments will be strengthened, NATO will be crushed, Ukraine will fall to Russia and Finland and Poland must already be shaking, millions will find their lives and the lives of their children disrupted or ruined, the President is a convicted felon, the decent people from his first term voted against him even if they didn’t vote for Harris, and another great woman got shafted. Soon, people will find a way to make her loss her fault. They always do that. I see it happening already. But it’s not the fault of Harris that Americans overwhelmingly voted for the fornicating, lying, cheating, bullying felon. That’s the fault of American citizens, who might eventually blame the press for again failing to clearly explain why voting for him was dangerous, but it still comes down to the failure of Americans to safeguard the ideals of our nation.

The rich will become richer. Rights we took for granted will slide away.

What I believe is that the people who voted for his racist, dollar-driven, and selfish policies are themselves racist, dollar-driven, and selfish. Nothing matters to them but lower gas prices and someone to blame. I’ve talked to enough people in my life who assume that everyone thinks and acts like them, shares their selfish motives and is willing to commit to whatever or whomever best serves their own interests. They think “nice” people only pretend to be nice, because pretending to be nice is how they get around them. They think charity is just for show, that generosity only goes so far as it pays them back because that’s why they donate and pretend to be generous—they assume everyone does that. They are always suspicious of others’ motives because their own motives are ugly; they feel perfectly secure in their faith that everyone was born and remains a sinner. They would seek vengeance and ignore the cries too far away to hear because they really only want the pretty, easy lies. The spiteful story that only benefits themselves. They are certain everyone is secretly looking out only for their own best interests because that is the only direction they look themselves. They are selfish in self-defense.

It is a view of humanity and life that I do not share.

I am not a perfect human being, I have done bad things, made mistakes, and still feel profound regret and remorse for many of my actions and failures. Even so, I try to do my best and I assume the best of others, that when someone shows they care that they are caring, that my interests should not overpower anyone else’s interests, that I should do the best I can to ensure that everyone receives their fair share. I care sincerely about justice and balance and fairness. I make mistakes but I feel bad about making them; and even though I fail over and over, I strive to be a better person. I am doing the best I can, looking after myself and the people I love and even the people I will never know.

Just like that other group, I assume others are like me. I assume others care about ethics and values and about kindness too, even when it’s inconvenient because I care about those things. I must always remind myself that others don’t necessarily think this way, the way I think.

Everyone doesn’t think that we have a responsibility of care within a community, not just toward ourselves, our family, or neighbors but to our entire nation. I do. Everyone doesn’t think human beings all deserve an opportunity to strive toward happiness on an equal footing. Everyone doesn’t think that planning for a future for our Earth is not merely an idealistic option but an absolute requirement of living here. I believe in responsibility, opportunity, planning—I believe in living my life and making choices based on those beliefs.

Some of you do too; and even though not enough of us voted in America yesterday, millions of us do think that way.

We’re here. We’re still here. And we know our duty.

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  …I want to ask them if they would / build a house of light with me. / Where if we looked into each other’s / eyes we would see the boats / of who we are. So place your left hand / on a table and send a snapshot / as a comment or a message. / I want to know if you will dig a tunnel / with me. I want to know if you / are out there.—Sam Roxas-Chua

A poet, Sam Roxas-Chua, whom I have known for years, asked for a show of hands on Facebook. [see above]

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15 thoughts on “THE DUTY OF CARE”

  1. well I can’t seem to think of anything funny to say today for some strange reason–as the Wilde man sorta said himself to make an horrible mistake once is unfortunate–to actually do it again is feckin stupid or something like that–waking up today shoulda been a little better than then this–yes thats what I thought too but here we are so you better hold on Betty grable style cause according to Frito jomer its their world we just live in it for now at least maybe we all need a mega hat that says make America groan again–somebody please make this bad dream stop–kiitos

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  2. sent to me from Soapstone. The Atlantic: “The kinds of actions that will stop Trump from destroying America in 2025 are the same ones that stopped many of his plans the first time around. They are not flashy, and they will require sustained attention, because the next battles for democracy will be fought by lawyers and legislators, in Washington and in every state capitol. They will be fought by citizens banding together in associations and movements to rouse others from the sleepwalk that has led America into this moment.”

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  5. I try to accept the election results and my mind veers off into a place where I can feel comfortable again- taking note of all the measures of progress that I’ve seen in my life that now seem fragile and somewhat hollow victories.

    Do I need to face the fact that optimism and a false sense of progress have blinded me to a point that’s dangerous? My identity seems at stake, but is clinging to an identity that is so at odds with reality seems crazy!

    I try to empathize with where Trump supporters to understand it all and end up feeling compromised.

    It’s just unfathomable.

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    • Because my husband and I have friends and family who support this Trumpist view of America, we mostly avoid talking politics. I understand fear, but I am a very small person physically and female, and early on I learned to be brave in the way my father taught me. I am determined to do the right thing, what I understand to be the right thing, even when it scares me. That is the definition of courage he taught me. We are none of us perfect, but we can be brave, kind, and careful.

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  6. I had to take our one car in for service early Wednesday and since it’s our one car, I was “stuck” at the service place for almost six hours. I knew the results of the election by then and had dreaded going out, but I brought knitting with me and an audiobook. At the end of the six hours (and a bit poorer), I felt a strange kind of calm as I drove home. Later I determined that I was still numb and it wasn’t until one of my former yoga instructors sent me a text Thursday morning, to see if I was coming to a class she was teaching and how she just wanted to reach out and let me know she was thinking of me and how hard it all was … then I cried. And when I saw her at the studio, we hugged. Something about that hug–these two women, one young, one old, but both in distress. My husband and I hug a lot but hugs are different when you are grieving. Like you, I’m not interested in post-mortems of the campaigns unless they are truly constructive. Like, as you noted, that the media failed us once again. The criticisms of the Harris campaign come with 20-20 hindsight. Her campaign put more effort into actually getting out the vote than the Orange Felon’s campaign. So … I don’t know. Maybe the joy and hope resonating through the Harris campaign just really pissed some people off. I see the people who voted for the Orange Felon as miserable people who want everyone to be miserable like them because then their reality cannot be challenged. Not if we are all miserable. And they likely won’t blame the Orange Felon for their continued and worsening misery under his administration. It’s sad but, gosh, there’s a lot of stupid people out there …

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    • My blood pressure was very high on Monday (I check it regularly) and then higher on Election Day. Wednesday it was close to ER-high, but then I stopped reading the news, took a hot shower, breathed deeply for a few minutes, and it’s back where it should be—my blood pressure at least.

      On Facebook, two former students kept trying to get me to admit I was angry, and the truth is not anger. I was angry the first time. Now, I am deeply disappointed in my country. So I posted a notice on my Facebook page that I would be gone for a while. I baked a pie. I went out for a 4-mile walk this morning. I ran a mile of it. I will do what I can do, but I agree with the unkindness you suggest—they want others to be miserable. They want people to blame, and that is a pathetic way to view other human beings.

      Thank you for writing, it means a lot to me.

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      • I’m actually trying to tap into my anger because otherwise I feel so deeply disheartened and disappointed. Anger, when use constructively, can be a positive force, but I know I should conserve my energy. I just wrote to a friend and said that what I feel now is that I was presumptuous to think that more voters were as sick of Trump as I am, that his deterioration was as clear to them as to us, and that they understood his policies would doom us, not shore up anyone but him and his rich friends. Well, let us take one day at a time, Jan. I’m grateful to have you in my online community 💙

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