We are continually surprised by people we thought we “knew.” Just the other day a local woman I’ve known for forty years asked for my email address, which has the word “pride” in it.

“Does that ‘pride” word stand for something?” she wanted to know.

“Yes,” I said, “it was my grandmother’s maiden name.”

Then she launched into a whole thing about the word “pride” is “triggering” and a “trigger-word” that “we need to take back that word.” 

And I thought, really? Gay pride is triggering? …Who are you?

My older son complained that he had emailed a journal three times last year asking when a paper he’d authored that was due to be published. They finally responded to his email the day before yesterday.

I’m not sure why, but I said: karma is a bitch.

He countered that I had corrected that use of the word karma decades ago.

Oh, right. I know better.

Westerners are inclined to use the term “karma” as shorthand for “What goes around comes around” or “As you sew, so shall you reap” and “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.” Which is not at all the meaning of the term, but we pretend it has to do with just deserts. (Yes, that is correctly spelled even though it’s pronounced in this usage as “desserts.”)

I do not believe we are being punished, despite considerable evidence to the contrary. Life does not work that way. We do not always or with any consistency receive punishment in life for misdeeds and rewards for virtue. It seems like it might be nice, but no.

We should feel better about ourselves when we are kind and generous and open-minded, but too often the kind, generous, and open-minded among us are the very ones who question our own motives and experience remorse over minor failings.

Never mind.

And anyway, that is not what karma means, in its original use. Karma is more like destiny. More like the path we are supposed to follow at various stages of our life as child, student, parent, and on to a quiet retirement.

The other day we found 23 pieces of sea glass. This was not a reward but the result of three hours of searching. On our way home, the couple who were standing in the middle of our path thought I hesitated to pass them because I was afraid of their completely pleasant dogs. It was the people themselves I was afraid of. They seemed completely amazed when I told them this. Who knows where those people have been?

There’s this pandemic? Hello? I go masked if I might come within twenty feet of someone outdoors. I am always masked before shopping for groceries. On the beach I walk well up into the rocks when people come by on the sand. I wait for them to pass. I try to keep my distance. Rarely do the people we meet seem to understand that. Maybe they trust the same magic that sends them jaywalking in Cannon Beach, speeding or crawling along. They’re on vacation and can’t be touched?

I have often joked that tourists behave as if they think: I’m on vacation, the rules do not apply to me. Maybe I’m not far off?

A new member of Congress was complaining that we needed no laws about civil rights or freedoms since we are all free according to the founders, and it’s already guaranteed. I wondered what she was thinking? Does that mean that because the Declaration of Independence says we are all granted life, therefore murder need not be declared a crime? Her reasoning was ridiculous. Flat-earthers are ridiculous. QAnon are ridiculous. How do people believe this nonsense?

We live together in a society that agrees to certain truths. Murder is wrong. Every society that has ever existed agrees that murder is wrong. Human beings have always agreed that killing for personal benefit is murder and therefore wrong. Theft, cheating, lying, breaking our promises? Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong. We all agree. We have always agreed.

Kindness, charity, compassion, love, honesty, devotion? Right, right, right, right, right, and right. We all know this.

We do the best we can to do right. Sometimes we fail and when that happens in any society, we apologize and make amends. We do this not merely from fear of punishment, but because we want to be good. We want to be productive, useful, just members of society. We abide by laws that are not intended only for some but for all. We agree to do this as civilized people.

We do not always get what we deserve, but we should always try to give the best we can.

It’s not so much to ask.