DROWNED TREE

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The drowned trees might be from 800 years ago (according to some) or from thousand of years ago. This is the one furthest from shore that appears only rarely. Well, to be precise, all of the drowned trees are generally buried under sand and rock. This one is buried again this week.

Last Wednesday I began winding a warp and today I am a few inches from completing the second shawl. I will work past dark to get this one done because I have already laid out the weft for the third shawl. This morning I wound off a skein of sock yarn. I will knit socks before beginning the next warp in a couple of weeks.

IMG_5507The last person I hugged other than my husband was Paul at the Twist sale on the 6th of March. That was a couple of weeks ago. By last Tuesday, I was not hugging anyone. I cancelled my Scrabble game. We took stock of supplies and are self-isolating. Gary was listening, just now, to Irish music of the sort that makes me cry even before I listen to the words. Continue reading

GIVING

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This morning I compared the message of an essayist to “The Gift.” That poem by Li-Young Lee describes how self-discipline was taught to a young boy by his father, who calmly tells him a story while removing a splinter. Search for that story and you will find it.

“to get the news from poems . . .”

I also received an email with links to

Poems of Joy, Hope, and Community

One of them is by Alberto Rios. I have had a soft spot for Rios since reading his poems about death by avocado and because he was born the same year I was.

When Giving Is All We Have

Alberto Ríos – 1952-

                                              One river gives
                                              Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it—

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give—together, we made

Something greater from the difference.

 

 

I have not donated to the nonprofit Academy of American Poets this year. Perhaps you will find enough comfort in this website to help them continue their offerings of hope.

It can be helpful to spend a few moments each day with language to maintain our well-being and fortitude. As we find ways to come together while apart, please find a selection of poems our team has curated especially for you, from Poets.org:

Darling Coffee” by Meena Alexander
For Keeps” by Joy Harjo
Song Out Here” by Juan Felipe Herrera
Lift Every Voice and Sing” by James Weldon Johnson
These Poems” by June Jordan
Leisure” by Amy Lowell
The Last Thing” by Ada Limón
So Much Happiness” by Naomi Shihab Nye
Cento Between the Ending and the End” by Cameron Awkward-Rich
When Giving Is All We Have” by Alberto Ríos
Everyone Sang” by Siegfried Sassoon
The Flower at My Window” by Lucian B. Watkins
The Things That Count” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
[I wandered lonely as a Cloud]” by William Wordsworth
To All My Friends” by May Yang

WEAVING STORY

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When my children were very small, and a long walk on the beach was not practical, I used to sing a little ditty I’d invented out of parental desperation: “Mommy’s going to run around, run around, run around. Everybody run around, run around, run around.” We would jog in circles from the living room to dining, past the kitchen and into the hallway to the entry and then back to the living room—all the while shouting that line over and over.

In the mean time, I am weaving.

January I wove three shawls on a blue warp. February I completed a red one. Last Wednesday evening I began winding a purple warp of over 300 ends from my stash with one handspun skein from a spinner just a couple of hundred miles north. Less than 48 hours later I was weaving the first shawl with blues, teals, ands gold. Yesterday I began weaving the second shawl using mostly purple weft. I begin first thing in the morning and continue until after sunset.

The work is going well. These shawls are intended for a group show in December. That gallery is closed just now. The schools are all closed. Events are cancelled. One of our sons is working from home. The other who works in the theater is completely out of work. Gary kept talking about getting fuel for the car, and I stopped him right there. We are not leaving the house except for walks on the beach. Mail will have to pile up at the post office. We have plenty of food in the freezer, fridge, and pantry shelves. I am not hoarding, it’s always loaded. Gary only worries about running out of coffee. I want pasta and jarred tomatoes, coconut milk and pesto frozen at the end of last summer. I have half a bag of onions and a few sweet potatoes, and an entire dozen untouched eggs. When all of this is gone, we will go out to see what we can find.

IMG_4272My husband is 70 and I am 67. Neither of us have health issues except thinning bones. We walk for an hour or two each day on the beach without coming closer than ten or twenty feet from anyone other than dogs. Both of our tenants are over 65. One just had a triple bi-pass. When emergency vehicles showed up yesterday, we feared they were for him, but no. It was another neighbor who is also over 65 and had a heart attack, then a more serious one and was eventually Life-Flighted to a Portland hospital yesterday.

If you or someone you love has a high fever and other cold or flu symptoms, you might just have the flu (colds generally present with only a slight fever, if any) or you might have covid-19. You are unlikely to be offered a test to determine what’s going on because despite what other countries have managed and what the president keeps promising, our country is not yet, after two months, up to speed.

In the mean time, many people should be practicing social distancing. Many local governments are closing schools across the country, restaurants and malls, gatherings of all sorts.

Stay away from public places, avoid touching others or surfaces that others might have touched. Small children are as likely to become ill as anyone, but are unlikely to die. (In over 72,000 closely studied cases, China had no deaths of children under the age of ten.) But children are still carriers while they are sick. They can transmit the disease to more vulnerable populations, and we are all assumed contagious before we are symptomatic and for at least a day or two afterwards. There is also some evidence that even if it does not make a person ill enough to be hospitalized, covid-19 weakens the immune system and makes people more susceptible to other illness.

So be careful out there. Turn to your inner resources. Read. Tell your children stories. Run around the house. Make a mess.

Once the purple warp is completed, I will start another.

 


I will note that a friend’s son has a fever of 102°. They could not get a test (of course they couldn’t), but have accepted that their child’s having covid-19 is a possibility, and that it has likely spread everywhere. They are self-isolating.

SUNSET

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I should know what sort of fish this is, but I know only that it resembles a member of the seahorse family and it’s dead. Poor thing.

We track where the sun sets in relation to the rock o.6 nautical miles offshore. When it’s north of the rock, we think summer, and when it sets south of the rock, we know summer is gone. The truth is that this shift from south to north this happens close to the Equinoxes. The sun set right behind the rock a couple of days ago.

Continue reading

FAILED [THE] TO TEST

A massive study involving over 43,000 cases of confirmed covid-19 in China estimates that young children are not at risk. That’s the good news.

As a nation we have bungled our response to a disease we cannot cure (only nurse) and cannot protect against with a vaccine (for another year or more). Most estimates suggest that covid-19 will kill 3.4% of those who contract it. Mostly they will be old. really bad news is, we have no idea how many Americans are actually sick. Continue reading

STRANGER THINGS

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This is sea foam, not pollution, the product of heavy seas and plankton, not soap.

A family member believes that Paul McCartney has been dead for years and is being impersonated by a stand-in. You can tell he’s dead because he has bare feet on the cover of the Abbey Road album. Oh, and Queen Elizabeth II is a reptile. I watched a silly video of a white horse showing “distress” because the Queen is reptilian or reptoid or something. (The video has been obviously messed with, the sound track is entirely fabricated, and if that horse is shy at all, it’s not of the Queen but of the man beside her.) Nevertheless, here’s what YouTube knows about reptilian royals:

“The Reptilian Collective consists of several branches.

    1. Reptilian: (Pure DNA).
    2. Reptoid: (Human- Reptilian Hybrid).
    3. Reptilian Hybrid: (Non-Human – Reptilian Hybrid).
    4. Draconian: Similar to the original Reptilians, but they are physical.”

But then again, we are talking about scenarios that insist we need a Paul too much to let him go and both Elizabeths are concealing their true forms with crystal magic.

It should be funny. I laughed, but then I considered that a member of my own family does not get the joke. This isn’t even the person with diagnosed mental illness. If I let slip that this family member voted for Trump and reportedly has a picture of Putin on the wall, does it make more sense? Maybe not.

But then the President asked the CDC on camera last week if the flu shot would help with the COVID-19 epidemic and later claimed (also on camera) that he had no idea people could die from flu. Who knew? His grandfather died of flu in 1918.

More recently, in the 2017-18 season, 61,000 Americans died of flu, in part because “The flu season was exacerbated by a shortage of IV bags caused by IV bag plant closures in Puerto Rico following Hurricane María,” according to Wikipedia. But never mind that year was on Trump’s watch, and he didn’t even know people could die of flu?

In Washington State, Echo Lake Elementary School where I attended grades 1-6 has been exposed to the novel coronavirus by a father attending parent-teacher conferences. “Everyone who wants one” cannot get a test, and we have tested less than 1 in a million Americans for the disease. South Korea has tested thousands more per million. It is only one of the reasons they have diagnosed more cases.

A University of Washington medical team began developing a diagnostic test in January mostly for the heck of it because they wanted to see if they could. They could and did and they have been up and running since last week, providing a thousand results in 24 hours while the CDC needs 3-5 days to confirm diagnosis.

I have friends in cancer treatment, a tenant who just had a triple bi-pass, and many of the people I care about are over sixty. I am not panicking, but I have said for years, only half joking, that it would be a virus that killed me. I am susceptible to respiratory infections. (Second hand smoke throughout my childhood, scarring on my lungs, a history of bronchitis and pneumonia. But I got the flu shot in 2017 and did not get sick.)

Another friend, young and with no risk factors, is supposed to be a keynote speaker at an out-of-state conference in a few weeks and wonders if flying is safe, if the conference will go forward, if exposure in another state might endanger relatives who do have risk factors such as age and illness. I have tickets to an event in Portland in a couple of weeks and am seriously expecting the speaker to cancel and to cancel my hotel reservation and stay home.

It will be at least a year before we have a vaccine for COVID-19, but the vast majority of people who become ill during the next 12-18 months will not die or even get very sick, though I might.

So what scares ya’, Baby? Reptilian royalty, fake Pauls, or large crowds?

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An update from Friday the 13th, four days after I wrote the text above. All the public school in my state are closed. My son who works on computer was (finally) told today that he should work home for the immediate future. My other son and his wife work in the theater, usually big shows. My daughter-in-law is not prepping for the opera in Portland today, she is striking the show (dismantling it). All the larger venues are shutting their doors, so they will be busy for a few days striking shows that are postponing their openings or flat out cancelling. He has one still planning to open tomorrow in a small theater in Washington.

So when we think about how and whom to help . . . consider the children with little to do and no school-provided meals, parents who may or may not be working, contract workers who not only have no benefits from their employers, but minimal options for lost work.

From The Atlantic today:

“The U.S. remains dangerously behind on testing for COVID-19, thanks to “bureaucracy, equipment shortages, an unwillingness to share, and failed leadership.”

“An investigation co-led by The Atlantic could only confirm that 16,471 people in the U.S. had been tested as of this afternoon. For comparison, at this point in its own outbreak, South Korea had tested more than 100,000 people.

“When asked at a press conference earlier today if he takes responsibility for the lag in availability of testing kits, Donald Trump replied, ‘No. I don’t take responsibility at all.’ ”

Just for a bit of perspective, we have about 330 million people in the United States. Do the math.

 

DIXIE CHICKS

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A man called his girlfriend a “chick” the other day to me. He didn’t notice my expression. I was thinking: If you knew me well, you would know I don’t like hearing women called “chicks.”

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MY DARK VANESSA

I feel like all the small things I count on are fluttering like ash to the ground. Deaths from covid-19, the five recalls on my car, friends who are ill or their mothers are ill, the only way I can open a new post here on Chrome, but Chrome will not open my photos, my son went to the ER a week and a half ago and no one bothered to tell us, the man in the bakery was rude. The trivial and the terrifying? Conflating disease and rudeness? None of this is killing me. Yet. Challenging the ease of a white author against the injustice of struggling to find a publisher of a woman of color’s memoir with strikingly similar themes. I don’t know. Isn’t it like happy families? All abusers are alike? I haven’t read the memoir. I rarely do. #MeToo?

I read the novel, My Dark Vanessa.

I read until four in the morning, desperate to complete this incredible novel. Vanessa is an intelligent and lonely girl of 15 when she meets the man who will play on her inexperience and insecurities. She knows about rape because one of her musical heroes has told about it.

Fiona Apple was raped when she was twelve years old . . . I had no reason to care about rape then—I was a lucky kid, safe and securely loved—but that story hit me hard. Somehow I sensed what was coming to me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn’t? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it’s finally going to happen (192).

What she does not understand and fails to recognize is the selfish exploitation of her innocence and desire for love when it arrives. The author is at pains to make clear that this is fiction, not her life. It is a necessary distinction since Russell gets everything so right. The molester announcing that he is the “toughest” teacher his students will have in high school. Maybe in college.

[Scary that I used to warn students that my Honors class would be their hardest in their Junior Year (an appeal to hubris), and students often thanked me for that after attending college.]

The parallel visions, flipping back and forth between then and now chapters in these pages explore both how she is groomed and “seduced” at 15 and how she excuses and redefines that experience into her 30s. It is explicit, very much so. [I don’t usually read explicit sex. A warning there.]

I was not molested as a child, but my tolerance for reading about abuse is very low. I have never been able to read Lolita but I admire what Russell does with the novel and other writings here. I am amazed I could stand to read it.

My favorite Ninth grade teacher had an affair with a Seventh Grader. When a friend told me, I recall two powerful and simultaneous reactions: Why her and not me? and It’s a lie. I was ashamed to have felt jealous of what I thought in my naiveté must be love and knew even then that envy was unhealthy and pushed it aside. But it was years before I was forced to accept that the accusation of molestation was not a lie. Yes, he did that. He had a relationship with a child of no more than twelve. I have since witnessed men do this to vulnerable young girls—men who were trusted as teachers, coaches, a campus cop. These men NEVER acknowledge their trespasses because they serve only their personal desire. Abuse is heaped on victims of sexual exploitation. The girl is blamed, threatened, and ruined by the violator and by society. So is Vanessa. Her abuser so redefines her identity that she is ruined, truly and utterly ruined.

The ending satisfied me, though I feared throughout the reading that it would not. I believe this story. It is very hard not to believe it is all true.

And then there’s hope.

The video is fantastic:

 

INTIMIDATING

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It seems to be my month for bad dogs. Yesterday a large dog charged up and began barking in my face. I have seen this dog exhibit aggressive behavior toward others onshore. The owner of the (illegally unleashed) dog tried to call the dog (no effect) and to reassure me he was harmless. Yes, head and tail down, weighing close to a hundred pounds. Harmless. “He can be intimidating,” she said. She was laughing when she said that, and walked right on without apology or any attempt to correct the behavior. Well, yeah. The last time someone told me their dog was “friendly” I got hit in the face. Continue reading

ROLLING PIN

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My grandfather’s pair and mine on the right after cleaning. Also today’s seaglass.

My grandfather found three of them. I still have two of the ones he found. This morning I found a Japanese glass float of the kind called a “rolling pin.”

fullsizeoutput_118eIt was pure chance. It always is. We went out this morning intending a quick walk. We were halfway home and Gary was anxious for his breakfast but I was determined to gather plastic bottle caps and poly-styrene foam anyway. I had turned back for a blue plastic bottle cap when I saw it. I knew, just knew. It was covered with sea growth and I still knew it was glass. the narrow necks at each end would have accommodated ropes in nets that might have been strung for miles in the ocean.

We have many floats, a couple of them still in their rope nets and they used to hang outside the front door before we remodeled. Gary has found many floats, including really large round floats the size of volleyballs. I have found two small round floats the size of oranges and a large, cracked float. That last one is only two millimeters thick in the spot where it’s broken. Wikipedia says the Norwegians are the first to use glass floats in the early 1840s, but in our ocean, beginning in 1910, “recycled glass, especially old sake bottles in Japan, was typically used and air bubbles/imperfections in the glass are a result of the rapid recycling process.”

fullsizeoutput_1191It didn’t look like much on the beach but to us, a glass float is a huge find. It’s been years since either of us found one on the beach. These days the floats are plastic. We’re finding those too. Bell-shaped floats in white and orange. The round ones are usually black with loops on opposite sides or a pair on one side. I hauled home a huge lime green one the other day loaded down with gooseneck barnacles.

These too are from very far away and a long time ago.

 

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