Tracking shows my package shipped via UPS from Wisconsin and has since traveled to Georgia, Illinois, and Massachusetts. In that order. I live in Oregon. A former student who delivered for UPS once tried to explain to me why such routes are efficient.

I remain unconvinced.

It seems to me that efficient travel from Wisconsin to Oregon would generally move west. My spices have traveled to a location roughly a thousand miles in the wrong direction, not to mention south, north, and west before getting there. They are scheduled for delivery on Saturday and UPS does not deliver locally on Saturdays. I think my skepticism is warranted. I hope they are not lost.

When my mother and I used to get lost on a drive, it was great fun. We would laugh and laugh every time our conversation distracted us from our destination. We would find ourselves on a deadend street or in a neighborhood we did not even know existed. Then we would turn around and be back on track.

When my husband and I get lost on a drive, it’s usually because he insists on turning the wrong direction, north when we need to go south, east in order to get west. Sometimes he does this deliberately. For example: We want to get to a place due west of our location. He drives east to get on a familiar arterial, then south to get to a place he knows, then from there he drives to our destination. This takes us miles out of our way and as a result we have toured some beautiful neighborhoods in Portland.

Left turns are a particular issue for Gary. There was the time he drove directly south to a destination in the south, but he was driving through neighborhoods that did not allow him to get there. He needed to take a left to get on an arterial, but instead began turning right and drove all over west Portland and Beaverton in order to arrive in south Portland an hour later. It was a fifteen minute drive, but required a left turn he was determined not to take.

Generally I have a pretty good sense of direction. I can read a map and I recognize landmarks. (Don’t tell me about GPS—there was that couple who followed their GPS in southern Oregon and died in the middle of nowhere. A little common sense, people.)

I do get lost sometimes. Briefly. Accidentally. But this is where I admit that it might be best not to check tracking at all. Even if you don’t know where you are going you will end up somewhere eventually.

Get suspicious, however, if GPS insists on taking you up a gravel road into snow.