after COVID

I had thought I would stop running after last year’s Bridge run—a 10k over the Columbia River. But even before I completed that run, slower than I’d hoped, I knew I wouldn’t stop. I love running and I’ve missed it terribly in the past when injury kept me walking. Then, after nearly four years of perfect health, Gary and I went to a movie in a theater last month and caught Covid. Coming back has been tough. So I began to wonder if quitting was coming up on me, like it or not.

I got my regular 2-mile Friday run last week in Portland. More than half that run is downhill, but though my route varies it generally begins and ends on an uphill slope. That was the second time a homeless Black man has paused long enough to tell me “good job!” He said he’d run marathons and missed running but had injured out and most recently been told he would be able to run again. I hope he does.

The poet William Stafford made a 3-mile run part of his morning writing routine. He’d run, come home to write, including an aphorism and a new poem every morning, and then use the rest of the day to revise and do whatever we people do all day. I used to hold out his example to myself. Stafford didn’t write a good poem every day of the year, but by the end he had 365 drafts to choose from and the odds were in his favor that he’d find good ones worth revising. It’s one reason he was as productive as he was with 20,000 words of daily writing and a truly astonishing list of publications. Wikipedia: “The morning of his death he had written a poem containing the lines, ‘ “You don’t have to / prove anything,” my mother said. “Just be ready / for what God sends.” ‘ ” Have a look at his book about writing, Writing the Australian Crawl. I have it somewhere here or there and first read it in 1990, three years before his death, which reminds we that I wasn’t yet running in those days.

Running is easier than waiting, and right now I am waiting to hear about my novel submissions. I reordered and revised that novel three weeks ago, six years on since I began writing it. I informed two presses that I had a new and better draft to share. One promptly wrote back: Yes, please! Then I withdrew all the submissions I could find a way to withdraw. A handful are still out there. I have a half dozen presses on my to-submit list when they open to submissions. One of those opens in January of 2025 and it is a favorite small press from way back. Another closed to submissions for this entire year and I don’t know when or if they will reopen next year. A friend in Seattle is a few months behind me in the same process.

It all takes time.

On April 1st, a crew is coming to tear out a wall of our bedroom condo as part of the process of repiping our entire building. The work won’t be completed before summer. In the mean time I should be knitting but I have recently spent hours completing the “Dusk” warp in two distinctive shawls.

Here is the most recent work from my loom: Two shawls woven on the same hand-dyed Canadian Merino warp. The one on the left has a weft of handspun alpaca and handspun wool with some silk. The one on the right has a particularly delightful hand-dyed yarn with a handspun/hand-dyed that provides the color shifts. Both are soft, but the one with alpaca is more subtle in color and thicker and it blocked out wider than the other.

THE TRUTH

The truth is, I do not want to sell my family home on the coast. The truth is, this would feel like the failure of a lifetime.

The double arch of Arch Cape filled with rubble during the building of the tunnel at the south end of this beach in the mid-1930s. It has gradually opened from inches to feet during my lifetime memory. The central post was worn and then broken. The point at the top of the arch and the point rising from the sand in this summer photo were once joined.
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GLOSSARY OF EDUCATIONALESE

Depending on when they went to school, elementary teachers were taught different methods of teaching reading. The approach they choose in their classrooms and the terminology defining it keeps changing. They are given a package to teach, proscribed minutes to devote to this effort, and schools often pay a lot of money to provide direction in the manner and method of delivering reading instruction. Every new packaging of education receives a new name. Often the new name describes something that’s been common practice in the past.

I used to call the affection education academics have for recreating terminology every few years “educationalese.” I created a satirical glossary as part of my term project for an Ed Psych class decades ago. [Persuasive writing has had several names over the years: persuasion, argumentative, position paper, essay, etc. It’s all the same thing. You’ll find my glossary below.] Since I mostly have taught high school students, my focus was on writing. In elementary school there is open warfare about how to teach children to read.

—KQED
A bull elk that has recently taken up residence in our neighborhood. Gary was standing outside the garage talking to our immediate neighbor Patrick when this fellow walked out of the wetland north of us and crossed over to the yard across the street. Later in the day he is seen chewing on a hedge a few houses away. Yes, Roosevelt elk are big, the largest elk in the world.
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LUCKY

I recently read an insightful article about what can be learned from regret. Before I started reading, I thought of past regrets and how they informed future actions: failing to respond to the cruelty on the bus, failing to confront racism, as a teacher teasing without malice but also without sensitivity. Each of those events taught me to be better next time. There have been next times to be better. Lucky.

There are the once-only times where I made a choice that stuck, the repeated events where I learned to make better choices, the examples that taught me how to move courageously and generously through my life, and the examples that showed me what not to do. In growing from those opportunities: lucky.

I could credit myself with avoiding the worst of the drug scene, the fraught romantic relationships, the dangling desires that might have lead me astray. I could say I turned away in time, credit myself for having better sense than others, boast of my foresight. The truth is mostly about luck.

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LUCK BETWEEN THE LINES

Everything I know about promotion, bias, and lies I learned from television ads. The pain reliever that claims to alleviate most headaches when taken with a glass of water? My dad pointed out way back in the 1950s that most headaches are caused by dehydration. They only needed the water. My dad taught me habits of skepticism that have served me well throughout my life. I question everything, consider the angles of possible deception, and sometimes I see right through the pitch while only half trying.

Found on my first run since Covid, the day before yesterday: It’s not your imagination. The base of this tree has grown right around the fire hydrant, which is still seems usable.

Years ago, an educator handed me the new biography, Three Cups of Tea, and assured me it was better than Mountains Beyond Mountains. I had been teaching Pulitzer-winner Tracy Kidder’s book about Dr. Paul Farmer’s campaign to serve the poor in Haiti and elsewhere. Could this memoir be better?

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BOOKS

“Honestly, it’s not as bad as the books.” Where to put them all? It’s the question about moving to a smaller place that has most troubled us. Yesterday, almost as soon as we arrived, I pulled up the long carpet in the bedroom, put pads under the feet of the bed, and swung the bed around to below the east windows. By the time Gary brought up a bookcase from the car, it was mostly done. And miraculously, he likes the new arrangement. This goes a long way toward answering the question.

West wall of the living room. We put the glass Ikea cupboard together in 2021. Gary bought me this bookcase for my birthday last year. I have six feet of bookcases newly placed on the south wall of the living room too. Soon, the north and west walls of the bedroom might carry even more.
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EASY DOES IT

We’ve been sorting and clearing for a few years. It’s gone well so far. The attics are empty. Most of my books are prioritized and the most precious of mine have moved East. We’ve talked a lot about the art and furniture that is important to us both. Gary even completely cleared his corner of the living room!

Gary emptied his desk—everything! The desk remains empty, the contents shown here are sorted and stashed invisibly in Portland. Other of his things are set in prominent locations but they do not show in this photo. It all matters to him, and so do the 29 boxes he constructed from my roll cardboard I using on my loom. Each has a shelf of CDs. They will fit under the bed, and Gary wants them kept though he’s not sure he will ever open those carefully constructed and labeled boxes.
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GOOD & BAD

I should never have mentioned that very popular pop star. It led to frustrating exchanges until I took the post down. Today began with positive covid tests. I am not in the mood.

Ten handwoven wool shawls folded above. I have these ten and six others elsewhere and the ones I use: three blankets and an afghan made by seaming lengths together and the three shawls I use myself—one because it was flawed and (honestly) the other two I just grabbed because they were handy to use on a cold day and they became mine to keep.*
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CARROT & STICK

Yesterday I shared a meme on my newly revived Facebook page. My friends “liked” or “loved” or “cared” that post. The meme contains a great story. I loved the story and appreciated the “truth” of it at first. But then I thought. The problem is that while the story may or may not be fiction, it certainly contains a lie.

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