An imperturbable demeanor comes from perfect patience. Quiet minds cannot be perplexed or frightened, but go on in fortune and misfortune at their own private pace like a clock during a thunderstorm.—Robert Louis Stevenson
The sky was beautifully pink yesterday morning and after a mile of walking, I ran an unofficial 5k on sand without wetting my feet. I was out of breath but not breathless at the end of my run. I felt light-headed and bent over for a couple breaths. It is not the first time I have wondered if my blood pressure might have gone down closer to what it was when I began running in the 90s. Decades ago, when I told my mother my blood pressure was 90/60, she said, “That’s ridiculous. You would feel dizzy when you got out of bed. ” Well, yes I did. Often.
This was not the photo I was looking to put here, but it’s pretty and in seasonal colors. Two of these weavings went to a dear friend on the birth of her baby. One is at home here in Portland. It’s significant that the warp included skeins of lovely Koigu merino wool in day-go “mistake” colors I had not meant to order. Goodness come sometimes, not because we planned for it or earned it or even necessarily deserved it, but just because. Continue reading →
We attended the meeting about replumbing, “re-piping,” our condo. I knew the cost would be bad; I did not expect it to be overwhelming. I never believed the claim by the listing agent that the plumbing was okay. In theory, I was prepared. (I should have rejoined Facebook and asked to be a member of the condo group. Maybe I would have had a better notion of what was coming.) So imagine the terrible number I actually feared but was resigned to and multiply it by four and a half; imagine the worst number I could conceive of and multiply it by more than two. Yeah, that’s about it. Except your guess is still not close to what it will actually cost. To say we do not have the money is laughably inadequate. To say this makes the cost of the condo outside our reach is about right. Would we still have purchased the condo if we’d known? Absolutely not.
This is the view from living room to kitchen, around the corner.
Spilled milk, as they say. There are many financial errors I have made over the years. (No fear, I will not list them here.) We will survive this one too.
In the mean time, I have faithfully begun writing first thing each morning for the five first days of November so far and have completed 14,023 words for National Novel Writing Month (NaNo). To achieve the official goal of 50k in 30 days, I am supposed to average over 1600 words each day, but I set my personal goal at 2000 words (and I am counting the 1800 words in this blog post begun two days ago, but 2k each day of noveling). It looks like I’m doing fine so far, but I cannot see how I can keep going at this rate since I have no plot. None. Plot is always my weakness. What happens next? I have absolutely no idea. I had thought to use Adventures of Huckleberry Finn as a frame for the story, but I chose to set the story in a place I do not know well enough to write about. I have been the places I describe so far, but not long enough to know, to really know. Research is (was) necessary and I probably should have been doing that for the past six months (or two years?). A little late now.
Ans in the mean time, running two miles in a morning, two or three times each week is going fine. Going to Portland for two or three or even four nights a week is fine. (The plumbing assessment, not so much.) The beach is still gorgeous. I found a marvelous piece of agate the other day, rough amber stone and with a hole at one end. I will find a place to hang it up.
It could be worse.
How?
It could be raining.
…and then it is.
At least we did not invest money in our attorney Fred, who would have put it up his nose. Fred was good to me, eventually providing excellent advice when I needed it. “Don’t sign anything without calling me first,” he told me. But early on he offered to have me sign over my house to him so that he could sign it back over to me, side-stepping a complicated legal issue, and I said no thank you. We did it the hard way. It was a wise caution, as it turns out. Other people put their money and trust entirely in his hands and he snorted it all away. Fred’s shenanigans represented the worst case of a lawyer cheating clients in Oregon history, according to his former wife, who told us the story because she was writing a book about him.
So that was one example of money saved that I will insist makes up for all the mistakes.
My aunt’s San Francisco house is gone. My mother’s house that I drew and labored to complete is gone. I am not homeless by a long shot. But I see homeless people everywhere in Portland. They lie down on the corner beside buildings, they plant their blue tarps in rows that extended a full block downtown. There is litter everywhere in a city that used to be immaculately groomed, like a house proud mother’s.
In “Quietly Big Idea on How We Think About Homeless People” Jay Caspian Kang explains: “Are the unhoused a ‘people’? If the answer is yes, then don’t they deserve equal protection under the law? These questions were broached last week by the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California in a long report titled ‘Outside the Law: The Legal War Against Unhoused People.’ Rather than think of homelessness as a condition, the authors argue, lawmakers should protect those who live on the street in the same way that the Constitution and California law protect groups based on race, gender or religion. The report calls for ‘state legislation prohibiting discrimination based on housing status.’ … If, say, a city enacted a policy that made it illegal for homeless people to use public bathrooms, advocates for the homeless could then sue.”
The homeless in Portland are not, in my limited experience harassed or unfairly discriminated against in this or other ways. Toilets have been provided in some places by those who either feel pity or exasperation or both for the filthy alternative. I have seen people piss on buildings, men shit beside businesses, people sleeping in doorways and blocking entire sidewalks with tarps and crime tape. Commercial buildings leave the homeless alone so long as they do not block access. One local national retail chain store pays a guard to stand outside their door. This to discourage anyone from sleeping there. They really have no choice but to be nice about it, given the potential for retaliation.
A recent conversation with a person even older than me revealed her distress, but any complaint that begins “I worked hard all my life” is not going anyplace useful. She did work hard all her life, it’s true, and only retired in her 70s, but it’s also true that many people work hard all their lives and never get off the streets.
Still, I knew what she meant. I have seen my once beautiful city turned halfway to a garbage dump, every green space, alley, and landscaped highway entrance littered with tents and trash. Don’t get Gary started about dog poop. Even Haight was never this bad, he says.
Yes, they are mentally ill, homeless through financial hardship, alcoholic, drug-addicted, juvenile runaways (and studies make clear, most children who run away have reasons to feel safer on the streets), or some combination of desperation and illness. I do not want to blame them. They are human beings. No one in our wealthy country should be deprived of housing and services because such housing and support is unavailable to them. People have existed on city streets since I was a girl in the 60s, and especially after Reagan closed many state-funded mental hospitals (a good thing) without providing alternative support (a callous oversight).
Some of these “unhoused” people, given access to decent housing, would eagerly abandon their blue tents, tarps, and trash. A few would not. Some consider that their right to sit, sleep, and defecate in public places is absolute. The man who lived for two years on the sidewalk three blocks west of me is one example. His compound spread from building to street, completely blocking the sidewalk. We crossed the street to avoid walking near him. This was a necessary choice. “Robert” threatened and even attacked several people before being caught on film doing it. He was arrested, but another man moved into his spot with a small tent. He was arrested too and later bailed out. Now there is a bigger tent again blocking the sidewalk.
Something needs to be done.
Public spaces should be accessible to the public. I should feel free to enter a park without worrying about walking too close to an aggressive man in a tent parked beside the path. Though I am willing to wait with others until the man screaming with his mask off leaves the entrance of the grocery store, I should feel safe as an elderly woman walking on sidewalks to the grocery store—that’s not too much for me to expect.
It is difficult fo me to believe that simply relabeling these people lying on sidewalks as “unhoused” or “a people” is enough to repair anything. Recognizing that all of us, every citizen of our nation, and the noncitizen we exploit to keep costs down too, deserve a home.
It seems to me, we must find a way to provide at least dorm-room-style housing for every one of these homeless people, mental health care, and other support, and then deal with the “culture” of homelessness as a separate issue. If there is such a culture—and it’s likely there is—it is one completely out of step with our society at large. Taking over public property as personal space is not allowed. The Mafia is a culture unto itself too—an extreme comparison but worth noting that many subcultures also feel free to violate commonly accepted rules of behavior. Our legal system exists to ensure we can agree about the basics. And before anyone gets incensed about the Mafia comparison, instead consider how wealthy people assume they should receive special treatment … and often do receive it. Shall we label the Bill Gates of the world a social group deserving of special consideration and protection? Certainly the 0.01% of the world behave is if they were a law unto themselves. As if with enough hard work, with the right values and industry, any of us could be Trump. If we wanted to be. As if. As if making money were proof of something honorable and decent.
I’m not sure I can swallow that one either.
Billionaire Charlie Munger is bankrolling an eleven-story college dorm to house over 500 students/floor. It will cost the University of California at Santa Barbara nothing but bad press. There’s a catch: with no formal training whatsoever, Munger insisted on designing it himself. Another catch: 94% of the rooms he has had drawn have no windows. A typical suite has a long central dining table, a small kitchen, split baths, eight tiny sleeping rooms (about 6.5 feet by 8 feet), one door from the suite to the hall, and not a single window. “He wanted the dorm rooms to be tiny and windowless to encourage residents to spend more time outside in the common areas, meeting other students.” At the end of the hall with eight such suites is indeed a common area dominated by four even longer tables, “game room,” larger kitchen, a laundry room, seven windows on one side, and a pair of stair wells. It’s worth noting that in a private home there are strict code requirement about a room, including an accessible egress window, for it to qualify as a bedroom. Munger didn’t have to follow those guidelines.
This is just one pod, there would be many of these stacked side by side. It is constructed in such a way as to make direct access to the outdoors impossible—that is, once build without windows as designed, it can’t be fixed.
Munger thinks he can control other people as if we were children and he the only adult in the room. He is rich enough that he has actually gotten away with this sort of thinking, and the conviction that he knows what’s best for everyone. This is the definition of entitlement.
Our condo building has sixty-nine small units ranging from studios of barely 400 square feet to the largest corner units of less than 900 square feet. (Ours is a mama-bear, right in the middle at 576 square feet.) The all have windows, plural. The building was cleared for occupancy in 1925, is built of concrete, and was considered virtually fireproof—a major plus in those days. There are two elevators, two stairwells, a fire escape on our side of the building, and a galvanized and cast iron plumbing system that is past its pull date. Perhaps a hundred people live here. Across from our front door is a glass panel and a heavy iron mallet to “break glass” in event of fire. There is a fire hose a few feet away. These features function. They are code. Our unit has five windows.
Considering homelessness and windowless rooms help put our re-piping assessment into some sort of perspective. Someone will finish making those new assessment payments after we die, and though it’s true I have worked hard all my life, it is also true that I have been lucky.
Food, clean water, shelter, medical care, companionship, meaningful and useful work, respectful treatment—all human beings deserve this. Access to light and air and earth and green space is necessary, not a nice add-on. Some privacy is necessary, not as punishment like a prison, but because sometimes we do need to be alone, even if we are lonely. People living on the streets are deprived of most features of what the rest of us might call ordinary life.
It should be our business to fix what’s broken.
Dawn over the spruce trees/snags north of the Tektronix house at the beach.
I did not mean to send the entire post out as an email, but just a stub. Gary wanted me to slice homemade cranberry bread for his breakfast and I got careless. Then, instead of eating cranberry bread myself (I get the heel), I went back to work and wrote more words both here and for NaNo. Today’s Brevity blog post by Jill Kolongowski inspired me.
Today is my oldest grandchild’s tenth birthday. I have two gifts for her. No telling if either will please her though she did say she loved the book! She is allowed to have her ears pierced now that she is ten. I am giving her a pair of pearl posts that I made when I was in college almost 50 years ago. The pearls came from a gem seller who brought boxes of lovely stones and pearls to the metal shop at the School of Art. They are very good pearls, though the posts are merely sterling and some people cannot tolerate silver posts. I sewed a silk bag to hold them, by far the prettiest I have made.
top and bottom … saving this for Christmas. Usually I have my shopping done by Thansgiving. This year, no shopping.
I submitted my “Butterfly Fontanelle” novella to a literary press a couple of days ago. It has remained untouched since January. I had hopes for it when I began four years ago, but then lost faith. Today I reread the beginning of a letter responding to that novella. One of my favorite writers wrote: “I really do love this story! The imagery throughout is gorgeous, and your conception of the Daughters, every detail of their lives, their behavior and appearance, their singing—all of it—feels startlingly original. Amazing, really.” That’s right at the beginning of her comments, and I cannot say how startling it was to read that, to find such words of praise. I knew if I continued to read the letter, I would find her suggestions and questions. I did revise in response, and revise yet again in a further draft. And again. I even tried changing the title. I submitted. Rejection without comment. There is no knowing if I improved the piece and evidence I didn’t, but I think it’s better even if I failed to take it where it needed to go. I did try.
Anyway, I sent it off, my first submission in ten months. I hadn’t intended to submit anywhere ever again. I posted that notice on my publications page and have only been writing here, in my blog, and a few scraps of poetry, or what might become poetry if I had stuck to the page. I haven’t. [“Seat in chair.”]
A lot has happened.
This is one of my favorite photographs I’ve ever taken. In recent years I have used photographs for my winter cards and had them professionally printed, but for a couple of decades before that I designed, drew, and made cards, cutting linoleum blocks or illustrating family dreams for the New Year in pen and ink. Mimi wrote that some of those old cards are part of Janice Gould’s library collection. It fair took my breath. I had only just noticed that of all the art hung in our new condo, there was nothing from me. This year, perhaps I will return to that old custom. Gary thinks so.Continue reading →
Am I the only one who finds the new NaNoWriMo site clunky, uncooperative, and downright annoying? Communication in forums is impossible (I find nothing when I click that link) and with buddies seems challenging (a message from a buddy waited to be read for a week because I didn’t notice it was there). In fact, if this had been the site I used the first time back in 2016, I might not have continued using it, and I have completed and “won” the NaNo November challenge three times and also written in other months. It has been a great comfort to me in years past.
But now . . .
My stats show up erratically. Sometimes NaNo knows this is my fourth November, but sometimes it announces this is my third or first. That’s no big deal. It’s when I try to access people or useful information that I find . . . nothing. Every time I try to access any of the links beyond the actual Help Desk, I get an error message. “Known Issues,” for example, is just one of the links that returns “Login Error.” It’s all downhill from there.
Most of the links I have tried to access return that message. (The exception is that NaNo merchandise links work perfectly, of course.) I don’t even remember how I eventually was able to send a note about these issues to the higher ups over a week ago. They probably clicked on it and their login failed.
I thought my troubles might be because I was using Safari as my browser, but I had the same issues with Chrome.
Some questions were not all that hard to figure out on my own, like how NaNo determines my writing speed, etc. But overall, the updated version of NaNo seems far less intuitive, and communication, and error messages, and trying to access anything. Fortunately, I have my link stored in my computer or I’m not sure I could get to my data at all. Perhaps I should logout and try logging in again? Somehow that sounds like a recipe for disaster, and I won’t try that until I am willing to abandon the whole site.
Gary says, “Any sensible person would have given up by now, but you’re too stubborn.”
I am over halfway through the “challenge” (passed 26k words this morning) but I do not like what I’m writing at all. So this morning my mood would be a bit testy even if the website functioned as I wish it would.
Maybe I will knit the rest of today when I am not walking in the rain. (In case you are thinking that a rainy days sets off my mood—nope. We are always grateful for weather.)
“I sometimes fear that all of humankind may sooner or later come to my conclusion: that reading fiction is a waste of time.”—Isaac Bashevitz Singer
I think fiction is a vital aspect of humanity and Singer was probably having a bad day. Maybe he tried using a website to track his writing progress?
A group of at least a dozen people stayed next door this past weekend. (Gary says they were likely Swedish because of the white caps and running about barefoot on the sand and even in the water in November.) They took over the depression where Gary had his fire last week and burned two thick root knots that he’d left, plus some purchased firewood. They did not burn the log they sat on in the evening, which is a blessing. Tourists tend to lay huge drift logs over their beach fires and then walk off when they discover that the log needs hours to burn. Thankfully these people had a nice-sized and perfectly legal fire and then put it out before going to bed. (Gary hoped they might leave the remains of their cedar kindling, but they didn’t. Did it go all the way back to Sweden?)
The wood chairs still need painting, but a plastic chair Gary rescued from the rocks where it had drifted on high surf last month can stay out all winter. You would have thought I could manage to paint those chairs over the summer, but it didn’t happen and they stay under cover till I get them done.
There are a lot of other things I did not get done in the past months. I meant to make my oldest granddaughter a cardigan and two dresses. What was I thinking? I have not sewn a garment in decades. But like most women of my generation, I learned how to sew in school. I made a pullover cotton shift in seventh grade and a wool skirt the next year. My mother hated to sew but she taught me too. The last garment I can remember sewing was pure cotton onesies four our youngest son born in 1982. American companies were not making cotton clothing for babies because of flammability issues. We neither of us smoked then or now, so I found a pattern and learned to machine-sew cotton double-knit jersey. Dark green with rainbow trim. Bright red. I don;’t suppose I even thought to take a picture, though I can picture them in my mind’s eye even now. But now I can find organic cotton for babies and children, which is even better.
I am over 12k (of 50k) on my NaNo challenge this morning, and I seem to be writing something unexpected. I meant to rewrite a very old manuscript, but instead I am writing something new. It’s true I am using the same principle character and I imported a few pages that I had already reworked over the years, but even without those pages, I am ahead of schedule.
The best part? I am not sure where this story is going. And maybe even better (so the best-best): it’s funny. I have not written funny in such a long time. I have been giving the chapters titles a la Forster such as “In which Alice tries to solver her personal problems with a hammer.” So that is happening. And barely into the fifth day of November.
A strawberry-frosted cake is tricky in November. She wanted fresh strawberries and I avoid them out of season. No avoiding them for my granddaughter. A light vanilla cake, though I am partial to and only experienced with pound cake. I made a run at three cake recipes and strawberry cream cheese frosting. That last was not a win, though it tasted good enough and was a pretty color. I ordered freeze-dried strawberries, organic freeze-dried strawberries. Powdered in the food processor, they are a rich color that thinned down to a pretty pink. (I mean to try Swiss buttercream as soon as I get my hands on the right sort of instant-read thermometer.)
There is a cake in the fridge. Two pounds of out-of-season organic berries. I had dreams last night about making cake.
Gary and I both had a sore throat and sinus issues, but we seem to be better now. Our sore throats completely gone, no fever ever. I had to put off baking the final birthday cake till yesterday when I knew I was healthy again. Took my time. Photos later.
When I was a little girl, I was already fascinated by Japan—the architecture particularly, but also the clothing and food and toys. The fables. Because I lived in a suburb of Seattle, it was easy to visit the House of Rice or Trident Imports and lust after kimono and sandalwood chests.
I did not play with dolls much as a girl, but I had a pretty toy geisha on a stand that held place of honor in my bedroom. My farvorite model horse was made of paper and lacquer, gray with a traditional fancy saddle. I didn’t like that his mane stood straight up, but I could not coax it to lie over. I have that Japanese horse to this day. It must be nearly sixty years old.
There are few other things I still have from my grade school obsession. I read a book about how to build a Japanese doll house and I sewed bedding, made the storage box of balsa wood—those things are gone, but the scale vases from an import store are carefully stashed.
My father worked for the Bureau of Commercial Fisheries. I ate sushi for the first time in the early 60s. This was during a Japanese/American fisheries conference. I didn’t like sushi then, but I did later. I have gathered books on Japanese building, on the impact of Japanese woodblock prints on the Impressionists.
This is National Novel Writing Month, and I am writing first thing each day in pursuit of at least 70k (NaNo’s goal is only 50k). This morning of Day 4, I have written past ten thousand words. My intention was to take a very old manuscript of 80k that I began in 1996 and update it. That isn’t quite what I am doing, as it turns out. I have outlined 25 chapters and I am writing beginning to end, a chapter a day. When I was writing that earlier novel that inspires this one, I wandered all over the place, beginning the middle to end and back, from the points of view of eight characters. So far I have hardly looked at that old manuscript to write this one. Instead, I am sticking with the here and now. There is a ghost cat, maybe. There might be a diary, which was the center point of the earlier novel. Maybe not. I haven’t gotten to that chapter. I write my 1667 words and then some more, and then a bit more, and when the chapter is done and I have my words, I stop.
When I meet my daily goal, I am allowed to do something else like look at Japanese dolls that I cannot afford on Ebay or watch a Korean historical romance (Rookie Historian Goo Hae Ryung) and admiring the costumes, one more episode till the end.
For many years, my life was cluttered like a Victorian drawing room—my time so tightly compressed, I barely had space to breathe, much less turn around. I worked eight hours, then came home and worked most of the evening. I neglected the house. I probably neglected my family and friends, though I did not notice at the time. The weekends were almost never time off—the shocking thing when I retired to teaching just a pair of college classes was discovering I did not need to work on Saturday and Sunday. I am still getting used to that now I am not teaching at all and all my time is wide open. Grace is emptiness.
Life can have space like a Japanese home. Floors empty to the walls, I cross freely from one side to another. There is the freedom to chose to sit on the floor and regain composure.
This clearing of space, this abandonment of possessions—well, the fabric for quilting, the yarn for weaving and knitting still arrive—this new-won spareness and simplicity.
But I am not talking literally. I am not living a cluttered life, but a gradually simplified, cleared away life.
My obligations are easier to count, easier to recognize and balance. My clothing is spaced in my closet. I keep removing what I do not wear. I give away what I do not use. The little girl with the red dress and white ghost dog greets me each morning in my kitchen—hanging just there above the jelly cabinet and between the Forest Ridge bookcase I use as my pantry and the pie safe with my grandmother’s porcelain custard cups.
I have a cake to bake, birthday gifts to wrap today. My coffee is cold. I need more sleep.
Camp NaNoWriMo word count: over 45,000 as I type this before 7am, Tuesday, 30 April 2019
So. I complete my month of furious (not angry, just driven and desperate) writing, and I outstripped my original simpler goal of ten thousand words. I have journaled and written essays and book reviews and worked on stories and revised a novel and begun revising another, and not all those words found their way into my official word count. I completed reading and reviewed several books, for example, and only one review is included in my NaNo pages. I wrote emails, responses to news, and rants about politics and population and poverty. Most of what I wrote will never be read by anyone other than myself. Sometimes I merely thought about things.
Camp NaNoWriMo word count: 43,032 by early Monday morning, 29 April 2019
The light was coming as I typed on Sunday, early-early.
Food52 is promoting a new cookbook that recommends buying small and often, using everything up as you go along, and yes! that is what I have been trying to do lately. Most of the Food52 article is common sense advice I already follow, but confirmation is always welcome. My crisper has only one lemon and some apples. I supposeI should make some sortofapple tart, preferably without sugar. Last night I thawed out the next-to-last last season’s pesto and made a pizza to use up the fresh mozzarella. Years ago when our fridge died I tried earnestly to get by with one of those tiny dorm-sized fridges, the ones about the size of a generous waste-paper basket. Milk and cheese and butter filled it. No room in the tiny freezer compartment for berries or peppers or anything beyond either an ice cube tray or frozen peas. One the other, not both. Condiments were a huge challenge, and my family thought I was mad. I argued that we really could not afford a new refrigerator at the time. That was not entirely true. Eventually I gave in and we bought a new fridge. There is this attitude that we must have twenty cubic feet or more of chilled storage, but many Europeans manage with tiny refrigerators or none at all by purchasing what they need for a meal and then using it up. Americans tend to gather stuff in the their fridges until they could condiment a regiment and the crisper goes sodden and has to be emptied directly into the trash. I have too many spices too. I dumped a jar of very-much out-dated dried Italian herbs the other day in order to have the jar for an herb I use frequently. I am wondering if my herbs, spices, and condiments should be marie-kondoed like my clothes closet—taking note of what flavors spark joy and discarding the rest?
I have emptied both crispers now, used the sourdough start for the pizza dough, and consumed the recommended daily amounts of fruit and vegetables. The cheese drawer still contains seven cheeses. There is real bakery bread waiting to be toasted. (The stuff sold in plastic bags bears almost no resemblance to actual bread. Even the “whole wheat” slices smash into a lump the way we once turned WonderBread into a ball as if it were raw dough.)
A TNYT story reveals the impact of our poor diet on mental health because “most Americans are overfed in calories yet starved of the vital array of micronutrients that our brains need, many of which are found in common plant foods. A survey published in 2017 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that only one in 10 adults meets the minimal daily federal recommendations for fruit and vegetables — at least one-and-a-half to two cups per day of fruit and two to three cups per day of vegetables. Nutritional psychiatrists like Dr. Ramsey prescribe antidepressants and other medications, where appropriate, and engage in talk therapy and other traditional forms of counseling. But they argue that fresh and nutritious food can be a potent addition to the mix of available therapies.” We all need, as my mother would say, to take better care of ourselves.
Inhale a bit of a horror story and found a market to submit it to. Tuesday is the final day for Camp NaNo. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will finish this task and move on to something else.
Camp NaNoWriMo word count: 42,051 by Sunday morning, 28 April 2019
The New York Times reports on longterm plans for Guantanamo Bay where prisoners include a man who had been “confined to a box the size of a coffin while held at a secret C.I.A. site and waterboarded 83 times to break him” and is expected to age and die there.
This in a prison in a country we do not talk to and where we are not wanted.
We got a short walk on Saturday morning, then we went out again later. Agates and shells, no glass, and later, trash.
We tried to watch the newer Oscar Wilde film but it was too sad and pathetic. The new Avengers film seemed silly even for a cartoon, the theater smelled of vomit, and the loud giggling and hysterical laughter nearby was annoying. (We accurately predicted who would die.) Welasted less than an hour. I can’t help thinking that the loss of a significant portion of the world’s human population might do the world nothing some good. (Clearly not “half of all life” gone—the trees and whales were doing just fine—which evidently happened in the last episode that we did not see.) Very sad, of course, for those left behind, but overpopulation needs some sort of solution and is the greatest threat to Earth today. The villainous Thanos may have been on to something.
One of the poetry assignments I used to give my students from the Kim Addonizio and Dorianne Laux book, The Poet’s Companion: A Guide to the Pleasures of Writing Poetry, was a creedo. It is a list of beliefs and includes “ridiculous” or unlikely beliefs. When I wrote this with my students I invariably listed having more than two children is a sin. It was one thing I did not share, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Among the things I “would never do” was eat raw chicken.
Among the things I believe: creativity keeps me sane, I can trust my husband, and no one “deserves” a terrible death.
I spent some time weaving. I considered submitting to a writing contest, but didn’t.
A male California quail wandered into our front yard. And that was charming.
Camp NaNoWriMo word count: 41,478 by Saturday morning, 27 April 2019
One thing: I could go the rest of my life without yet another version of Les Miserables. I never liked that story to begin with.
And second, watching Shields and Brooks on PBS Friday evening, I am reminded that I would prefer not tohave to vote for yet another old white man for president. [Insert here every disparaging remark spoken by white men about Hillary Rodham Clinton during the last election—and remind yourself that she still won the popular vote—and apply those terms to any old white man currently running for 2020. Many of the women too, but it is the old white men who irritate me—old white men talking about other old white men. Then apply narrow and smug to the men you are thinking of.) No, I never liked Biden. No, not even if he were the “reassuring” choice, and no, I do not think he gets it. Those who think saying he is sorry if he offered because “times have changed,” do not get it. His perpetual invasion of women’s personal space is not merely offensive because times have changed, it was always creepy. His intentions are largely irrelevant because sexual harassment is not based on the perp’s intentions but on the victim’s perceptions. All those offensive men after the Anita Hill hearings who said they thought women liked being harrassed, that they were flattered by the attention. Can’t you take a joke? That is the essence of sexual harassment law—and Biden is dodging responsibility with the way he talks about his actions. Admittedly, his behavior bothers some people less than others, it was always troublesome whether anyone complained or not. The only thing that has changed with the times is that women feel freer today saying they are offended.
Don’t get me started about BS.
A review on Rotten Tomatoes has the writers of The Avengers series talking about what death in a film most shocked them, and all I could think of was: more middle-aged white guys talking about the deaths of imaginary white guys after writing a series about yet more imaginary white (mostly) guys. And look at the image on top. Seriously. Does no one even notice?
We deliberately chose to stay at a place without media or internet access. And the greatest thing about being at the Sylvia Beach Hotel for most of three days is that I did not have to see or hear a thing about Trump. He is not a decent human being.
I ran into a former student Friday at the coffee shop—these happy meetings happen often—whom I had not seen in 19 years. It was impossible to believe she is in her later 30s; she looks just the same. Friday was my last writing-meeting with another former student, which has left me a little sad. I know many writers who have writing groups. For years I tried to find a writing group. One group liked getting high, another did not like fiction. One did not like me. I spent most of yesterday writing, feeling sad, and accomplishing nothing beyond that. I had left soup in the fridge when we went away and we had that for breakfast. I made toasted cheese sandwiches for lunch. I did not walk on the beach. We have nothing for certain planned for today. Three more days till the end of April, the end of the Camp NaNo challenge. The sun shines. It is time to shut down.